Saturday, February 18, 2006

stones in the road

I just came here from a blog that really blew me away this morning... This girl's honesty... her struggle to keep it together a day at a time really took me back to when I got here... Check her out here: my new friend

She was talking about noticing that when she used, it messed with her attitude and her emotions. It sounded to me as if she was having an epiphany. I was commenting how these epiphanies we have early on (at least it was like this for me), are like big stones on the road of recovery we're travelling. At first, when we first come to the realization there's a problem for some of us, myself included the first big stone in the road seems impassable, blocking the way. But with the help of a guide or two in AA, we find our way round that boulder of denial or perhaps the rock of our own inability to give up or surrender. It seems to me that after that, the stones tend to be less dificult to get over or around, but still needing the help of this guide (sponsor, fellowship, HP) to navigate the epiphanies (stones, both "good" and "bad"). But, as we grow through recovery, they (the stones) seem to flatten out, even growing smaller... more frequent in the path. Some even simply line the path, there for us to look at and enjoy as we pass, the larger ones perhaps reminders... At some point, they seem to become a mosaic of various little epiphanies, life experinces, that we can skip across the pond to others as we walk, or point them out to the people who are struggling on their own path. I recall on my first 5th step, my sponsor brought a pocket full of these pebbles, mosaic tiles from his path... They were the same ones I was trying to move or negotiate on my own, but somehow his were smaller. They made mine smaller by comparison as well...

That's the beauty of this program, everyone's stones are different sizes, colors, shapes and they appear in different places along our paths... When we share these epiphanies, they diminish in stature and, quite often become the pebbles and small stones we can safely walk upon, trudging the road of happy destiny, to borrow a phrase from my fave chapter in the Big Book.

Today, I had an epiphany! Thanks to my new friend in recovery!

9 comments:

psychbaby said...

awww... warm n' fuzzies.

Thanks for your small stone Scott, which is a huge one for me.

Here's to skipping stones along the path of recovery!
xo

Rex said...

Great share scott.....I needed to hear that today..thanks. Keep on keeping on!

Shannon said...

right on scott good post... I think we can all relate! and thanks for sending me over to your new friends blog... right on..

Tab said...

Epiphanies can be both life changing and life saving!!
Great post today Scott.
Thanks for sharing
Tab

Designer Girl said...

Hey, Scott. Just wanted to say thanks for your encouragement and honesty.

sirreene said...

Looking back on early recovery keeps it green. You expressed this beautifully.

Alexis said...

love the 'stones' analogy! I saw some old stones that I had left behind this weekend, saw a friend throwing stones and noticed some little stones I had picked up and want to set down. Thank you for pointing them out and putting this so elloquently!

jules said...

Really great share Scott. Thanks. I'm trying to respect other peoples' boulders today. It's not easy...

Sober Chick said...

"everyone's stones are different sizes, colors, shapes and they appear in different places along our paths... "

It was only a few months ago that I sought to build the "perfect" program. I was gonna be an A student in AA. I now understand how wrong I was working with others and my sponsor. How refreshing it is to be in acceptance of the now, just to be enough.

Thanx 4 ur post, great share, so beautiful! hAApy Monday!