a prayerful Sunday

I have a lot to be thankful for, and a lot to pray for...

I pray to God for people who need His Healing Touch in their lives for various reasons, for my mom and step mom with their health, for my niece who's really struggling with her alcoholism, for my nephew who's trying to regain feeling in his arms and legs after being paralyzed at age 14 this past fall, for a some new AA members that have come to my home group recently, for alkies and addicts everywhere, that my wife son and I grow closer as a family and jsut for anyone in general who's struggling. I also pray for healing for myself, and for the patience to peacefully endure the healing process as it moves so slowly... And I also ask for wisdom and guidance to make the right decisions where money and my career are concerned.

I have shared at length about longing to teach again, my God given gifts as a musician and using that Gift. I caled about the opening for a new band director in my local school, and they suggested that I apply and provide my info, and maybe I will get an interview. Meanwhile later that same day, I found out that the best market in my district is coming available almost immediately through the retirement of a loan officer and I am the leading candidate to take over the market, which would mean a vast improvement to my work circumstances and puts me in a better position for promotion down the road. So, I pray for guidance.

The band job, while frightening lol is an opportunity to do what I was educated and degreed to do, what I love and have passion for. However, I don't know if I can provide well enough for my family with the salary that comes along with the teaching job. On the bank side, the earning potential is twice that of the teaching gig, especially if they move me from the branches I have now, into the market that's coming open (which thankfully doesnt require us to move) next month. The stress level is insane in both jobs, just different types of stresses so that's probably a wash there. So, I think I am leaning toward just taking the new market and sticking with the bank job, even though I don't enjoy it nearly as much as I would the teaching job. I have to be prudent about money as we are a one income family, and will continue to be a one income family going forward.

My gratitude must be shared... I am grateful for opportunities, for healing, that the surgeon got everything he was looking for when he performed my procedure. I am grateful to have a family to provide for, to be sober with. I am grateful that I am willing to follow doctor's orders. I amgrateful that my wife is willing to take care of me between nurse vists and help me with my healing (including the ever watchful eye over my vicodin. I am grateful for the divin protection that helps me clearly manage my vicodin usage to the point that I only take it on days the nurse is coming to hurt me lol. I am grateful that spring is here, finally :-)

peace be with you all...

change is inescapable, faith is necessary

One thing's for sure, change happens... This whole "stuck at home recovering from surgery" has been a big change for me. It also has evolved what what was expected to things that were never imagined. While I've been out of the bank, things have changed rapidly. Thankfully I've been able to stay in touch and work from home, or I'd be lost going back. It looks as if further change is coming down the pike. One of our top, veteran loan officers is retiring at the end of next month. In an effort to help stabilize her market and to help solidify my career and earnings I have tossed my hat in the ring to be reassigned to that market. That would be a big change, mostly positive. We'll see how it goes. I've also decided to apply for the band director job at our local high school. I don't know if I would even get an interview,a nd I don't know if the salary would be sufficient to support our one income householes but I am going to check it out.

From time to time, I like to reflect back on those foggy days of early sobriety. Back in Jan 1996, all I gave a shit about was myself (yes, that has changed a little bit, lol), my partying, the band I was playing in and getting what I wanted out of those around me. That was pretty much the extent of my life. (I guess there's something to be said for keeping it simple but c'mon lol) Today, and over the 13+ years I've had in recovery in AA, my life has done nothing but evolve. My life is like the life of a totally different person. Hardly anything (except for my firmly entrenched self-centeredness lol) resembles my life back then. If you had told me then what I'd be doing with myself now, I would have never believed you. I used to run and hide from change, now I embrace it (usually lol).

What changed in my attitude?? A simple word: faith. HP has my back. He will guide me through life if only I let him. All I have to do is trust God's Will for me and it all works out the way it is supposed to and the change becomes an exciting advanture... Today I pray to know His Will for me and to have the strength to follow and trust.

loving life

Yesterday, I mowed... our grass was nearly out of control, since spring has sprung and I have been unable to do much of anything. With rain in the forecast today thru Wed, I knew I had to get it cut or really suffer once the rain is done. So, I took my time, went slow and mowed the whole yard, weed whacked and everything. I felt good, but really tired once I was done. It's amazing to me, how having surgery messes with your body and leaves you worn down and weak. It was really nice to be outside enjoying mild, sunny weather, spring smells, fresh cut grass, flowers and all that. God gave us a beautiful day for sure yesterday! I am grateful that I could get out and enjoy it, as well as get something accomplished.

I also got to drive for the first time in over three weeks yesterday. I only went to pick up pizza, a mile from home but it was the first time I have driven the new truck/suv with the windows down and the sun shining, radio blaring rock n roll. It was heavenly, to say the least!

With the nature of my injury, and the wound vac attached to me I have been unable to go to Mass in 4 weeks. I really miss being at Mass, and cannot wait to be back in the presence of Chrit, and worship with my parish. It was a shame I had to miss the entire Easter Celebration. We had 6 new Catechumens and Candidates for full Communion withthe Church this year and I had planned on going to Easter Vigil Mass to be a part of their entry into the Church. With a parish of our size, 6 new members (3 kids too!) is a large addition. I pray that they may find peace and love in the Sacraments.

Hopefully, the upcoming week will be the week I am healed well enough to be rid of this wound vac. I am so grateful to have had it, it's what's enabled me to heal as quickly as I have. But, I will be very glad to be rid of it.

escape from Alcatraz!

Wed nite, I decided to just go crazy and go to my home group meeting. (actually, I think it was more like go to my home group meeting or just go crazy lol) Since it's only 4 blocks from my home, I couldn't justify not going since I had walked all the way across town several blocks one way to mail my taxes on Tuesday lol. I am so grateful I am close enough to be able to walk over. There were two guys there that were probably under a month sober, another fellow just returning from a relapse after a couple years sober in AA, and a couple of really solid old-timers I haven't seen in a long time. Suffice it to say we had plenty to discuss, and for me it was a wonderful meeting. I was a bit nervous at first, having just spent the previous two weeks on Vicodin (havent had to take any since Tuesday, down to ibuprofen only now) and still having this contraption attached to me to drain and heal my wound. but it was fine, like all meeting always are.

I am working on a special project, leading a local community concert band in preparation for a concert on June 21st. This is my first time on the podium, conducting & preparing a band for performance since my days in Grad school as a conducting student/teaching assistant in Houston. We had our 1st rehearsal a few weeks ago, and it was AWESOME to be "back at the helm" again, wow! I left that 2 hr rehearsal floating on a cloud. I had to miss the 2nd rehearsal because of this surgery, a major disappointment. So, last nite I escaped the house to attend the 3rd rehearsal and damn am I glad I got to get up there and do my thing. The band is playing wonderfully, everyone seems to be really enjoying the whole process and we're going to sound pretty good for this concert. I was really tired at 9pm when we wrapped up but it was well worth it! I am really starting to see and believe,a nd have faith that I am probably suppsoed to be doing more with my musical gift than I am currently doing. And I know doggone well I should be teaching more than just CCD at Church.

Having said all that, our embattled lacal high school band director finally threw in the towel last week and resigned, effective the end of the school year. This was only his 1st year with our school. It wasn't pretty. So, even though I still have 12 hours to go before I can be re certified, I am calling the school and trying to get my hat in the ring for the position. I have the teaching and musical chops, I have solid support from key parents in the community and I have the desire (and a butt ton of fear, no doubt). I did find out from the superintendant that they can hire someone who's not yet certified by the State, as long as they person is working on their hours and will be certified within a specific time frame. So, I am going for it. The outgoing guy never had a chance because he doesnt understand how to "play the game" in town, and work with the parents and kids and boosters. It absolutely killed him, and killed him quickly. It's sad because he seems to be a fine musician.

God be with me, and those I love. Please Bless those who are sick and suffering with their trials in life. My prayer list is long. You know Father, for whom I make these petitions... please be with them.

on the mend

Well, everything checked out well with the surgeon yesterday... He said my healing was progressing really well, faster than he thought it might but that I have a ways to go yet. That's about as good as I could have expected and I am pleased, just in a hurry to get back to normal lol.

I still have to use the wound vac, it's what's closing my wound so quickly. While that thing can be a hassle, I have it to thank for my quick recovery. Most of all, God and my wife have been there BIG time, I am grateful. I am blessed to have help with this major inconvenience. Thankfully, it's not a major health issue, no cancer or bad infection or disease. But it has been very painful, and really humbling and inconvenient. Stuff happens!

Some of the people (thankfully, the ones that matter) have been fairly supportive and understanding. But, some of the bankers I work with have been less than ideal with my absence from work. All they seem to care about are the loans they've referred to me and their status. While I share in their frustration, it's been pretty tough, with being out of the bank for almost 3 weeks now, and my laptop going down for one of those weeks. At least now, I am back to laptopping from home and able to contact clients and try to get caught up. But, of course, nothing is fast enough for them. I guess they've never had to rig their home office so they can work standing up lol. Heck with them.

prayers...

God, thank You for my sobriety, AA, my health, family and friends. I am truly grateful that this has not been worse than it turned out to be. We can handle this together. I miss You in your Sanctuary at Church and will return as soon as possible. I am grateful to You for fast healing and the willingness to do whatever my doc and nurses say to do. Thank You for my wife,s he has really helped keep me going phyiscally and emotionally. I pray I do not forget quickly, as I am prone to do. Please be with my niece N, my nephew K and friend B as they struggle with their illnesses. Please continue to heal me, and I pray that I remain open to Your Word and Grace.

peace be with you all...