where have I been lately

Rebellion or Acceptance

All of us pass through times when we can pray only with the greatest exertion. Occasionally we go even further than this. We are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won't pray. When these things happen, we should not think too ill of ourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us.

-Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions p.105
-As Bill Sees It p. 293

Man oh man... This week was a tough one. I was seized with that rebellion. I didn't post all week, hardly even read any blogs, didn't commune well with HP. Needless to say, I spent the week in some pretty crappy emotional and spiritual places. I have been letting my work situation get the best of me. I have still been doing my job, going to work, putting one foot in front of the other, even went to an extra meeting this week. But, it has been with a poor, "poor me" attitude. My wife and I had a bit of a heart to heart this morning about our money and what we should be doing. We don't have many of those type of conversations, she's not much of a "heavy" like I am. But, it turns out that this work thing has been weighing on her just as much as it has me. And here I thought that I was shielding her from worry by not talking much about the details of where we're at money-wise and so forth. Well, that wasn't suh a good plan after all. We both felt better after talking, didn't really resolve anything but, it felt good to discuss things, and not fight or argue.

today I am grateful for:

AA
sobriety
HP
that my wife and I each have a program, however different from each other they may be
Cosmo
my boy
our upcoming trip to Arizona
that I have continued to plod along, working, networking for a new career, sending out resumes and so forth even while feleing so crappy inside
that its Friday and the severe weather we were supposed to have tonite fizzled out
that I have the jail meeting to attend tomorrow