Sunday, May 06, 2007

sponsorship vs self help: accountability

I haven't had an 'official' sponsor is quite some time. That's not to say that I don't seek help from others in AA, as I have many, many friends I can talk to that knowme quite well. But still, that isn't the same as having a sponsor. When I first came round the rooms I got a sponsor and called ihm dutifully for a yr and a half, then switched sponsors and worked with a different fella. but after about 2 trips through the Steps I got more reliant upon myself (and all my profound wisdom lol) for most of my daily AA program work (combined with a good, solid prayer/spiritual life). I've always been good about talking to men about the big stuff in my life but I haven't had an actual sponsor in years. Tomorrow I am going to change that. I am going to ask a close friend in AA to sponsor me. What with all the church, wife and work stuff going on in my life, I really need to have a level of accountability that is impossible for this alcoholic to provide for himself. All in all, I have been doing "fine" without a sponsor, but I bet I could have been doing much better! For those of you who are early in recovery, please understand that I got and used my first sponsors to death to get through the Steps and to stay sober/develop a relationship with HP over the first couple yrs in AA.

My dear friend MC is so awesome, lol! She pointed something out to me in her comments to yesterday's post about the stuff going on with my wife. And yea I guess I tend to try to gloss over some stuff about all that in an attempt to not come off as some unfeeling ogre bastard when it comes to my wife. I can't have ym blogging peeps thinking I am some awful dude, right?? lol MC asked if I get pissed off... I get really, really pissed off and most of the time it comes out at my wife in the form of grumpiness or snapping at her sometimes out of frustration. But yea, I get really pissed off... I share it with a friend of mine in AA to help vent and get perspective (same fella I am going to ask to sponsor me). I was talking about the situation with two men I've been doing the jail meeting with for years and they both wanted to slap me when I told them I didnt have a regular sponsor, lol! They also told me that my wife and I have some serious co-dependency issues and that's really the first time it struck me that we do. So, thnkas Tabs for all the Melody Beattie stuff you post, I'll be reading more of that. All I can do is really work on me, so I am going to try to do better at the, and to try better to let go with love... (thanks Al-Anon)

Prayer for today...

God/HP/JC, thanks for another sober day, and thanks for the beautiful morning You've blessed us with! Thanks for the great prayer group and jail mtg yesterday morning! Thanks for bringing my friend "P" into my life. He and his wife are moving to Alabama for his new job and we'll miss him! I pray for Your Will for them. I also Pray that I might be fit to receive my Lord Jesus in the Hol yEucharist at Mass today. I pray that my mind is receptive to the Word of God. And God, please help me to let go and show my wife patience and kindness while taking care of myself at the same time. Thank You God for great friends such as MC and and all the blogger peeps who have been shooting me some love in their comments. It's truly amazing how this program works through blogigng and I am so grateful You led me to the blogosphere...

may your day be filled with peace...

7 comments:

Gwen said...

Hey Scott! Your shrinkage is coming along toooo. How great.

I am glad you found someone to ask to be your sponsor. Hard stuff. Good stuff but hard stuff.

I wish you well and have a wonderful 24,
Gwen~

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

Wish you all the best Scott with your new sponsor even though you might think you're doing A-OK without them.

Mary Christine said...

Sponsorship is so important, I don't care how long you have been sober. I love, love, love my sponsor. She is such an integral part of my sobriety. In fact, I think I better call her right now.

Sober Steve said...

Well Scott I feel that you have been an offical sponsor for me Sober Steve since the beginning. Thank-you for being here for me TodAAy

peace
Steve

Rex said...

Some days I would not make it without my sponsor....great post, thansk for sharing.

vicariousrising said...

A sponsor sounds like a terrific idea. I've realized that when I'm getting all tied up in knots about something, I can almost always find something about me that I am doing or thinking wrong.

That said, have you asked your wife what she is scared about? I don't know nothin' but my guess is that she's harping about little things because she's afraid of something bigger. Like people say in the rooms, it comes out sideways sometimes.

I wish you both the best,
Judith

Scott W said...

Alcoholics can be the best at pointing out to us our shit. It's when we use a sponsor and listen that we really grow along spiritual lines.