My wife and I had another "discussion" tonite... We're not doing so well these days... We (or me or maybe it's her I dunno) seem to be not communicating well, everything is like hypersensitive, we are both walking on eggshells for fear that the other person might be upset or something. I dunno, it's just a mess. I feel like she is constantly upset and over-reacting to stuff that's jsut really trivial, and melting down completely over the big stuff. I try and try to just let her be where she's at and where she needs to be and for awihle that works, but I get tired of the stuff going on so often and then she starts accusing me of freakin' and getting upset over nothing, and I am not the one doing it, lol so it's really insane. And she doesn't even see the level of negativity that she's dwelling in. I have repeatedly proven that talking is of no use, it's in one ear and out the other and it's not my place to fix her but, I am her husband and I just want her to be at peace and be happy. I just wanna help and there is nothing I can do cuz she won't listen, doesn't see that there's a problem, or if she does, she just completely blasts herself (more negativity). It's really a drag to live with. It isn't a showstopper, or cause for departure but man it is subtle, and it just wears on ya... And really, I think all I end up doing (with my good intentions/frustration) is just make it all worse. lol this would easier if I were more patient, less prone to the occasional rant and depression myself!
I guess I probably better stop venting on here, and whining and just accept things how they are, and worry bout myself. I guess I just wish she were happier with her life, or that at least she would stop projecting her gloom onto me. It's jsut a bummer cuz we can't really discuss anything remotely stressful, or that might bring up some sort of feelings... and it's just a drag of a deal, has been for a long time... I guess tonite, after another ridiculous conversation where she gets upset, doesnt have a clue what I am talking about or what to do.... I am frustrated and clueless myself.
Tomorrow is my Men's Prayer Group, looking forward to that!
Prayer for today...
God/JC/HP, thank You for another sober day here! Thanks for the Blessing of continued recovery and health, and for my family, even if I don't understand how to be a great hubby and what not. I am grateful to You for AA, the 12 Steps, the men in AA, bloggage, all the customers lately, the Church, Your Son, the Prayer Group, that chance to teach kids the Good News and for a place to vent a bit, let off some steam and try to get perspective. please help me be more patient with my wife. Help me be more accepting and especially, help me to be incredibly calm and kool round her so as to continue to try and share the Peace Youve given me, and to remind her that I have changed and don't fly off the handle... I pray that this weekend I can keep and share my serenity with those around me. I have begun to let some stresses creeep in,a nd to let other people's stuff affect me too much.
peace be with ya all!