Tuesday, November 06, 2007

candidate for al-anon, just not sure who

probably me...

It's the Holiday season again and the insanity is already rearing it's ugly head in my life. My wife's brother offered to fly us out for Christmas (to Phoenix) for a Christmas gift. Which in and of itself, is all well and good. However, we haven't spent Christmas with my side of the family for the last 3 Christmases as we wanted to stay home so Santa could come for Ian, and didn't want to drive two hrs on Christmas Day to go do the deal with them. My mom has been fine with that, even though she loves to have us up there on Christmas eve. Heck two yrs out of the three my mom and step-dad broke with tradition and drove down to see us. My wife's mom and dad have come to visit us (they are in their mid-late 70's) and stayed for Christmas each of those past three yrs as well. I had intended to go up to Toledo and visit all my family at Christmas since we've been home the past three yrs. Well, with the invite to AZ (not something I really felt good about turning down), my step-mom and my dad are offended, as usual. This is just another episode in a series of "can't ever please those people" type deals. And to boot, the step mom and step sis can be very judgemental and downright rude at times to my wife, and my wife hates going to visit them. That makes things completely crappy at home, whenever we have to make plans to go up there to visit. Well, ym wife is already pissing and moaning about next Christmas and having to definitely go visit my family now that we're going to AZ this year. I mean come on now, lol what the hell is that? One one hand my family is up my butt about visiting at Christmas, and on the other hand, my wife as up my butt about it. I am to the point where they can all kiss my ass, I am going to find an "understanding 20-something chick" and go to frickin' Tahiti for Christmas.

Ok, so that's probably not the best idea I've ever had but it has it's appeal! I am at a loss, because I am in the middle of a bunch of nonsensical bullshit between a bunch of people who frankly need to get over themselves and grow the "f" up. While my wife's complaints about my family can be justified at times, I go out of my way to avoid situations where we have to go visit, just because it keeps the peace at home and reduces the instances of her negative attitude about it. (I know, wrong answer, too) And of course, my step mom and sister arent going to budge on their position either so, I am screwed, here in the middle, having to deal with nothing but bull shit from one side or the other.

I don't really know what to do as there seems to be no point in wasting my breath talking reasonably with any of them because they are all right, and each justified (not exactly sure how that works...). The alcoholic in me would prefer to tell them all to take a flying leap and go off by myself but that is not in the list of good ideas I keep reading about in my Bible or my Big Book. So, I try my best to keep peace and to let shit go in one ear and out the other. But there are times when shit rears it's ugly head and every year it starts around Nov 1 and goes (including post-holiday-traumatic stress-disorder) thru January while everyone retreats to their corners.

Once again, I guess the best course of action is to bite my tongue and try to play nice... I am just tired of my holidays being trashed by a bunch of self centered women and my spineless dad... (of course, if I had to live with her, I would've just given her my spine....) Did I just say that?

Merry Christmas, huh?

I'll get back to feeling more positive later, tonite I just need to vent, or I will make one of those phone calls I regret! Thankfully, my wife is out giving a lead tonite, yay HP, well timed!


Mary Christine said...

Okay, here is an unsolicited suggestion:
Can you just stay home with your own nuclear family for Christmas? This sounds like too much BS to tolerate.

But that's just me. You seem to be good at getting over yourself and getting along with everyone, and I am sure this year will be no exception.

vicariousrising said...

Man-oh-man, do I hear you. I've just begun to get an idea of how to make the holidays manageable, but it involves tossing most of everyone else's expectations out the window. Peace, love and joy got lost somewhere, didn't it?

Just a thought, though. I don't know many 20 year old young women who know much about peace and selflessness. Probably the wrong way to go. Might end up with more excitement than you bargained for. Could be wrong. :/

Pam said...

"Just hear those sleigh bells ringin' and jing jing jingleing too, ooo ooo ooo"
Isn't it funny that our company is not that important the other 364 days of the year? No one seems to fighting over our presense on say march 4th.
Christmas and Easter -Home just nuclear family.
All other Holidays up for grabs.
Just me weighing in on a subject that you asked no advice on :)

MICKY said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Gwen R said...

Tahiti sounds good to me. I know I need AlAnon and have attempted but without having a meeting stick.

My father is turning Christmas into a circus trying to plan a day in NY. I told him we will take our own car and you would think I took a knife to the mans heart. UGH!

Just remember ~ you are soooo friggin not alone :)

Have a great rest of the week :)


Sylvia said...

Holidays were S*** for me. My family had traditions and my mom expected us (husband and I) to follow them. My husbands family had none so he did not want to follow mine. I listened to him and my mother and then took the chicken way out, I drank and tried to ignore them which did not work. There was no way to please either of them. I finally just gave up and let them bicker. I did not have the courage to tell them how I felt which is the same way you feel now.