I just came back to the office from the noon meeting. I hadn't gotten to a meeting in a couple weeks so it was nice to have a coffee and a seat and listen. The fellow chairing the meeting today had just gotten out of jail. He has been coming around since July, but had to go do a little time for some sort of entanglement. I was really glad to see his continued enthusiasm for meetings. He shared about his difficulty in working out the whole "higher power" thing as he is an atheist. he struggles with what to call HP, open mindedness, willingness and all of that stuff.
I know that for me, I had trouble relating to people of faith. I was pissed at God when I got to AA. He was "picking on me" and that was the long and short of it. I wasn't going to have any sort of organized religion shoved down my throat, and I certainly wasn't going to be told what to believe. Well, much to my surprise, no one in AA insisted that I believe anything in particular. They said I ought to try to be open minded and hang around sober men who have something about them, that I'd like in my life. I did that, and God found me, lurking suspiciously in the shadows. (He knew where I was the entire time, I was the one who was lost, come to find out.)
My first sponsor (and several men in AA) suggested that I use AA as my Higher Power. After all, AA is a group of people staying sober where I could not. They were certainly more "higher powered" than I. There's no mistaking that AA is a power greater than myself, and that is the "acid test" AA suggests. I did use AA at first, placig my faith in the meetings and the men and women I'd met, and it worked. My first sponsor also shared his HP with me, explaining what his HP was all about. He even offered up his HP to me, saying there was room enough for two with his HP. I began to pray (mainly because the calm, serene sober guys told me I should) to John's HP and after awhile, it occured to me that I hadn't thought about drinking one particular day. HP had removed my obsession, just like I had been asking each morning in prayer. He did it and perhaps He could be trusted with more than just drinking, but let's don't get ahead of ourselves!
Well, this young man today reminded me of all that, and I am grateful to him and I told him so as I related that bit of experience to him. Its nice to be reminded of how I came to be where I find myself today. It was a much needed bit of humility for this alcoholic.
I am curious, how did you all come to be where you are today, with regard to your undderstanding of a power greater than yourself?