Today is my step-brother's wedding. He's found himself a GREAT gal, they have been together for probably 6 years, have a couple youngsters together. We'll leave in a couple hours to head up there. I am not sure what's up but I didn't get asked to have any part in the wedding, not even an invite to the rehearsal dinner. Being as busy as I am, it hadn't occured to me much but now that they've had the rehearsal dinner get together and the day is at hand, I guess I am feeling a bit left out. (and what's not to love about an opportunity to feel left out after all?) I played Ave Maria at his last wedding (in fact his ex-wife/mother of first two kids is doing everyone's hair lol) and was one of his "best men." We got sober together prior to his first wedding, same sobriety date and what not. Of course, he's since left those sober days long behind and now he drinks and parties again some but he seems to be handling it alright. (I haven't yet figured that one out)
So, I think my plan will be to keep my mouth shut, enjoy the wedding and the reception, leave early and just go back home and back to my own little world. It just seems odd that my family and I weren't included in more of the weekend and it kind of bums me out now that it's all coming into focus.
I hit the noon meeting yesterday and for lack of anyone having a crisis or a topic, we discussed the Daily Reflection. That led us to a discussion of Step 5. For me, that means we're talking about Step 4 as well. It's simple. Just do it. Step 4 was merely the truth about Scott on paper and the process is so valuable. It takes all that crap, gets it in front of me on paper, where it is not being run thru the sick and twisted filters of my mind. Immediately, the stuff seems less awful (and less wonderful). It's an introduction to humility. A great sponsor can then help lend further humility and perspective during an honestly shared Step 5.
Upon completion of Steps 4 and 5, I learned this: I am not as bad as I thought I was and I am not as good as I thought I was. I was honestly regretful that I waited as long as I did to do those Steps because they weren't nearly the big deal I had made them out to be. The relief really came from being done with them. The humility and perspective came slower, and with that change, came more subtle relief.
have a GREAT weekend, I may not post tomorrow until late of not at all, for being on the road.
peace to you all!