Wednesday, June 16, 2010

slippery slope...

Relationships continue to be difficult for this alcoholic, especially with the people I am closest to. yesterday my wife seemed to be disturbed about something. When I asked if she was ok, she said no but that it wasn't a good time to discuss what was upsetting her. Often times in the past I would press and prod her to talk to me because I would assume that her issue is with me. Yesterday, realizing my wife was doing something the counselor told her to do, I realized I needed to back off so I said ok and went on about my business.

Then, I had to work on Scott. My assumption is that she is upset with me, because after all, doesn't the entire world revolve around me? And of course, I was immediately irritated with the possibilty of more needless drama and worry, because that's just how things go with her. I managed to force myself to focus on my day and all the stuff I have going on right now, and leave it all alone. by the time I came home from work she seemed a little better, and I didn't ask. Later in the evening she seemed fine and again this morning she seemed fine. So, I am going to try and forget about it.

Lesson learned: It pays to let things just be sometimes (back up a couple posts, ironically lol). Talking isn't always the best thing for our marriage and I don't guess I really need to know what's going on in my wife's head. Maybe the issue wasn't with me? Maybe she is simply putting off dealing with something? I don't know. I do know this much, I am not required to get all upset over the fact that something is up with my wife. I don't know why I seem to need to pick up the moods of the people around me, but I do it by default.

Today, I am just going to focus on the things I am most grateful for: sobriety, health, summer, the new building, an upcoming vacation to visit my wife's (entire) family in WV, and the fact that that will be behind us soon, lol. (if we're being honest here...)


drybottomgirl said...

I struggle with this too! I always want to solve it and would poke and prod my husband and oldest son to death if something was bothering them. Now I ask, and leave alone unless they want to offer it up...this is very hard because the alcoholic in me WANTS TO KNOW so I can put all my assumptions at rest! You're doing the right thing and she'll share in a day or two and if she doesn't she doesn't. Have a great day!

Syd said...

I do this as well and definitely have the "isms" of alcoholism. I now decide to not doggedly try to get someone to have a discussion. It isn't always due to me.