Relationships continue to be difficult for this alcoholic, especially with the people I am closest to. yesterday my wife seemed to be disturbed about something. When I asked if she was ok, she said no but that it wasn't a good time to discuss what was upsetting her. Often times in the past I would press and prod her to talk to me because I would assume that her issue is with me. Yesterday, realizing my wife was doing something the counselor told her to do, I realized I needed to back off so I said ok and went on about my business.
Then, I had to work on Scott. My assumption is that she is upset with me, because after all, doesn't the entire world revolve around me? And of course, I was immediately irritated with the possibilty of more needless drama and worry, because that's just how things go with her. I managed to force myself to focus on my day and all the stuff I have going on right now, and leave it all alone. by the time I came home from work she seemed a little better, and I didn't ask. Later in the evening she seemed fine and again this morning she seemed fine. So, I am going to try and forget about it.
Lesson learned: It pays to let things just be sometimes (back up a couple posts, ironically lol). Talking isn't always the best thing for our marriage and I don't guess I really need to know what's going on in my wife's head. Maybe the issue wasn't with me? Maybe she is simply putting off dealing with something? I don't know. I do know this much, I am not required to get all upset over the fact that something is up with my wife. I don't know why I seem to need to pick up the moods of the people around me, but I do it by default.
Today, I am just going to focus on the things I am most grateful for: sobriety, health, summer, the new building, an upcoming vacation to visit my wife's (entire) family in WV, and the fact that that will be behind us soon, lol. (if we're being honest here...)