Thursday, January 26, 2006

coming up on 10 yrs!

Man, I couldn't wait for ten yrs sober when I first came around. I was in such a hurry for everything: a good job, more money, a better place to live, love, you know the drill... Along the way I have time and time again, found myself laughing at the early days when I wanted everything at once. I've even found myself wishing for a little "less" sobriety if you will. Something like: "please, not quite so much right now...."

Now that I am a few days from my 10th anniversary, I am truly amazed by how much my life has changed, how much I have changed. I am living a life I would have never imagined back when I was still drinking/drugging. I have done so many of the things in recovery that I talked about doing back in the day. I am free of the fear of an encounter with the police. I can look myself in the mirror today. I have friends who will help me if I need it, and most importantly, when I think I don't need it. I can get through the daily difficulties of life, without taking a drink, without tearing down everything around me. Yeah, I still freak out, get too mad, get too sad, even too happy.

The difference for me today is that my difficulties are manageable by my HP and me, with the help of those around me. I think the biggest thing I have to watch for now is laziness... I know my disease is lurking, waiting for me to get so lazy that I forget where I've come from. So, I go to my home group each week and a weekly mtg in a nearby county jail facility. Between those two meetings and my sober friends and family, I can keep a healthy perspective on my disease and my program. This weekend I attended a spiritual retreat for recovering men. We discussed and shared on a list of quick little tools for recovery... Maybe one of these days I will blog 'em in here... The weekend was a much needed detachment from the normal routine.... It was nice to take a couple of days to reflect, meditate and just hang out with recovering people....

I am amazed at being nearly 10 yrs sober... I have been thinking about this for a couple weeks now, just sort of reflecting on my life this past 10 yrs..... I am sure grateful that I have been given this daily reprieve... What a relief not to be living in the grasp of that life I lived... truly, a miracle indeed, thank God!

1 comment:

jules said...

Congrats on 10 years. That's a really great accomplishment. I have been 'around' Al-Anon for many years, but have yet to hit a first birthday. I am amazed by this program and what it has done for so many- I know it's there for me too. Thanks for commenting on my blog. I love hearing from people who read my ramblings.