Friday, March 10, 2006

coming out of the tunnel

Anyone reading my posts lately will agree, I have been in the dumpy crummies regarding work/money. Well, nothing has improved terribly, but I feel like I am coming out of that tunnel. I feel better today, although my circumstances have not really changed. I think it's mainly because I have been taking the steps necessary to make improvements, rather than just sitting here feeling sorry for myself (as I am inclined to do from time to time) and focussing on the problem. My dear friend Tab had a little thingee on her blog today that really struck me: "it is easy to forget that there is more to life than problems, when we get stuck in ruts."

I can really relate to what she is saying there. I get so dang focussed, narrow minded, dare I say obsessed when I am having difficulty. It's like if I stop thinking or stressing about my problem, I am somehow not doing anything about it. I know what that is, it's lack of faith. I simply need to remember that HP will take care of things, I just need to remember to do what's in front of me. All the stressing and bitching I have been doing has not changed a single circumstance, yet I sat and bitched, cursed, banged my spoon on my high chair, and stressed to the max (between acts of trying to do the next right thing....)

And, here I am, Friday afternoon, nothing's been solved, barely any improvements have been made and yet somehow, I feel better!
That should tell me something. It should tell me that I can feel any dang way I want to, no matter what I am going through. I hate the fact that I let shit get to me. (I love the fact that it's not nearly as bad since I've been taking my thyroid meds and the Zoloft.) But, I just wish I had more faith, didn't let shit get to me like I do. I can solve more problems, prevent more problems (and stress, hello!!) if I could stay on a more even keel. For me, an even keel means more faith, more prayer, more letting go and letting God.

Tab, thanks for that great little sentence.... It really got me ta thinking this afternoon! Oh, and lunch with a sponsee didn't hurt either!

gratitude:
AA/soberiety
HP
my wife and son are going to be there when I get home
Cosmo, my lil white tornado dog
Sirius Radio has been playing Pink Floyd and David Gilmour tunes 24/7 on channel 16 "The Vault" all week, and I have been able to listen to it at work and in the car. Man, heaven!
sponsees and newcomers (met/shared with 6 newcomers in the past week!)
the jail meeting tomorrow




8 comments:

Tab said...

Glad we can all support one another out here in Blogland Scott.
Hope you will find some time to laugh and let go a little over the weekend :)
Thanks for sharing~

Scott said...

Tab- thank you for sharing, I am so glad I've "met" you here in blog-ville!

Shannon said...

I soooooooooooooooo get it Scott... thanks for sharing this, and I am going over to visit Tab!

haappy Fridaay!!

dAAve said...

see Steps 1 - 12

Anna said...

I can really relate to what your saying. I hate when I forget that I can control my attitude and actions. Thanks for sharing.

Rex said...

Scott, great share. I totally relate. When things are going great it is easy to say that I have that faith and work the program like I'm suppose to. But when things get tough it is sometimes so hard to rely on that faith and work the program and then I get in trouble because I start trying to control things that are beyond my control and forget to take care of the things I can control.

Scott said...

Thanks dAAve for that gentle reference to the Steps! That's where all the answers are!

Da Gal said...

holy cow can I relate. I think I posted about this myself earlier today. for me I had to go back to step 2 in order to start resolving this lil problem before me.

I trust you will get there too Scott. It sounds like you have wonderful support here.

Meg