Things being what they are with my job/career, I have been reluctantly putting out resumes, 10 in the past week. I say reluctantly only because I have not had any real success over the past two years (besides the job I have, which was a gimme, a good friend owns this company...) in getting any good looks at decent jobs. And like any good alcoholic, I have allowed my dismissal from my last job (was an awesome gig, cut the position, no warning, just thanks, buh bye after 4+ good years) to bother me, to wear down my self-esteem, so forth, you know the drill. At any rate, I am finding myself struggling to send out resumes for various sales gigs based on the fact that I am tired of getting nowhere. I realize that's not such a hot attitude to take, but just the same, I feel how I feel. I am trying to work through it, sending the resumes out, making contacts despite my fears and concerns. I am a pro at "pre judging" a situation in an attempt to determine the success or failure of my potential efforts. It's the "lazy guy" in me: "If it's going to be too hard, or it's going to fail, why try?" I believe we in recovery cirlces refer to that as projection. I guess I say all this just to get it down on "paper" well, screen in an attempt to hold myself accountable, and keep my feelings out in front of me. Plus, it really seems to help whenI can share this stuff, write it down and gain perspective. When I take stuff out of the "itty bitty shitty comittee" I can see the facts about Scott for what they are, not through the lens of my twisted alcoholic mind.
So, I am going to continue to do the next right thing, and keep working towards improving my situation. I had better keep reading 417 in the BB and keep my expectations (and rights, oh man, don't get me started about the fairness of things!!) down and my hopes and efforts up.
Ok, feeling a little better, I am going to hit that 12:30 meeting here in a bit. That never fails to help me get centered and focussed. Hopefully, that will lead to a successful afternoon of prospecting both for business, and a new career.
gratitude:
dAAve's post about his toolkit, reminded me to use mine
AA
HP
sobriety
that I feel a little better than yesterday
my wife, son and Cosmo the wonder doggie
Monster.com
that I am doing the next right thing, even if it's thru gritted teeth and against the better judgement of my "IBSC" (itty bitty shitty comittee)
that that honkin ass big ole spring snowstorm passed just south of us, providing only a dusting of snow thus far (thanks HP, I don't wanna shovel)
that I have somehow lost 7 lbs so far, and continue to eat better and walk on the treadmill/do crunches
the 12:30 meeting!!
3 comments:
a few times that i've had these type feelings, i've been told to think this:
if it was my sponsee telling me this, what would i tell him to do?
HI scott!!! I sooo can relate with the job thing, I too am just doing the next right thing and letting God handle it... I hope you are doing good today
HAPPY THRUSday :)
I have learned no matter what I think or feel if I just can keep doing the next right thing everything works out. On of my fav prayers is for God to bless my feet and keep them on the path :)
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