just a quick mornin' postynugget here before I scrape myself together for another day in paradise! mmmm coffee!!
I hit the home group last nite, gave a new book to another newcomer... There's been so many new peeps lately coming round the meetings. Its been really great to get that reminder of where I was when I got there. They say that if you can't recall your last drunk, you haven't had it yet. Geeting to meetings regularly, and seeing all these newcomers definitely keeps my last drunk fresh in my mind...
It was Jan 27th, 1996 and I wasn't going to get wasted again that day... I had decided that morning at work that I was going to stay clean/sober for our show that evening. (I was living the dream, playing in a rock-n-roll band with a bunch of 19-20 yr olds at age 27) Well, I disctinctly recall standing in my bedroom burning one when the thought occured to me that I wasn't going to do this again today... That's where my disease had progressed to when I stopped... That merry go round of loss of control, denial that there's a problem, acting as if everything is normal, but knowing deep inside somethin' aint right...
Once, I realized that it was too late, that I would in fact be doing this again tonite, I said hell with this, and proceeded to get demolished. typical... We played at Frankie's in Toledo, part of our payment was $1 Rolling Rocks. I drank thru all my cash, and found myself bumming a few bucks for dinner at Frisch's Big Boy, around 2:30 am, wondering why I was still able to be up and functioning. You see, I had drunk myself sober... that scared me, that got me thinking: "maybe it's time to take a look at this..." That was the last time I ever drank or used drugs.... those lil whispers of change Tab talks about in her post began to blow across my life and I have never been the same since. Thank God and AA for that!
8 comments:
It's a good thing to remember, as long as you(me) don't beat ourselves up about it -- and it doesn't sound like you are, so that's wonderful!
Have a good one Scott,
:)
thanks for sharing that tid bit about yourself... I can almost pin point the time when I no longer had a choice...
I agree with Alexis and pyschbaby!!!
have a great daay
Thanks for sharing. It was a good reminder for me. I remember very clearly that moment of clarity, very similar exerpeice to yours. Hope your day was great.
I love that phrase ...
"I drank myself sober."
I identify with that soooooooooo much. I know just what you mean.
My sponsor celebrating 20 years in December. She has told me many times to get on my knees and pray to God to never forget what it was like, that pain and suffering.
I think this is so imprtant to hear over and over again. Here you are, with some sobriety time under your belt suggesting to remember -- I so do. A part of me wants to forget that day/night, but the greater part knows that this is part of my existance. I am a better person today because of that day as you are.
Thanks for your share and the memory of that day for you.
That line - if you can't remember your last drunk, you haven't had it - is part of my story. (And I haven't heard anyone say that for a LONG time) It worried me because my last drunk was not dramatic, just sordid. I didn't think it was good enough - but just thinking about it chills me. Thank you for sharing yours.
thanks for sharing scott - I love that you go to so many meetings and that you pay attention to the newcomers. that is a gift and i know for me that is an essential part of recovering. take care, Meg
Thanks for sharing your last drunk with us. I am one of the ones that don't remember. Maybe I didn't mark the day because I knew that I would fail again like I had so many times for so many years. I craved a better life just didn't know how to live without the drinking. I was told to go to AA...I believe with all my heart and soul that if I hadn't gone I wouldn't be where I'm at today. Old timers have told me for years about this "if you can't recall your last drunk, you haven't had it yet." Personaly I think thats a terrible thing to say to an alkie trying to stay sober...what I hear when I'm told that is why should I even bother with trying...in time I will fail. I don't think that statement is true and we really should be saying...you too can recover even if you don't remember your last drunk. Here in AA we find a faith I'm told that works under any and all conditions...I find this to be true for me.
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