Tuesday, July 11, 2006

heading off resentment

"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight fo the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics, these things are poison."

- Alcoholics Anonymous, pg 66.

Before I can officially open my office, I am required by the State to be licensed, both as a Loan Officer and as an office. I have been licensed as an LO for over 2 yrs, no big deal. However, I have been waiting (patiently) for some 5 1/2 weeks for the State to approve my license. This is a process I am told that takes 3-4 weeks. So, you can well imagine my growing concern. I have an excellent marketing "open house" opportunity this coming Saturday but, it's now looking like this opportunity will come and go for I may not be licensed in time. Now, this isn't the end of the world or anything. But, it's a golden opportunity for exposure to a large number of people at a low cost that ought to produce 10-20 good prospects from which I could anticipate closing 4-8 loans. That would be a HUGE way to get out of the starting blocks.

The other difficulty with this license thing is that I am forced to process the loans I am currently working on through a different office of the company (since my office "doesn't exist"), miles from here. Since this other office gets none of the revenue from my loans when they close, I am sort of the "red-headed step-child" (I apologize in advance to all you red-headed step-children out there who may take offense to the negative use of your situation) when it comes to getting them to work on these files for me. Again, not the end of the world... But, I have never had anyone but me working on my files so, I am suffering from classic alcoholic powerlessness. This is all well and good because I have been able to maintain a positive attitude throughout the entire 5+ weeks so far. However, I am beginning to see a few cracks forming in my benevolent mind set. Hell, I struggled with three different office machine place for about 6 weeks to get a copier in here. I have (and still am) trying to get my business cards, letterheads and envelope order together, that's been a 5 week ordeal. O

One good thing about being stuck in limbo, is that I have gotten nearly everything accomplished I can get done, in order to open. This delay has also given me a little extra time to enjoy my family and my summer. And, it sure made it easier to be home with Ian most of last week.

All in all, no show stoppers, the world is still turning. But, I suck at waiting... And my patience is beginning to stretch a bit thin. All of this affects how long I am required to carry the expenses of my office out of my own pocket. Since I am not a rich man, and my debt is slowly deepening by the week, I would like to get this show on the road. Of course, if my license comes thru today or tomorrow, I will be so freakin busy, I will be bitching about that, and this post will have been for naught. However, my Big Book says to set these resentments down on paper so, I am! I would prefer to write about it here rather than calling the State Mgr. for my company and raising hell. I even got my close friend, my State Rep to call in to expedite my application/license. Well, corporate told me to call off the dogs, and they don't want to alienate the people they have to work with every day at the State office. That makes sense, but it didn't help me a whole lot, he he! It's a classic example of having a plan, and expecting all the external stuff to go according to my plan. Fortunately, I am taking the necessary steps to adjust both my plan, and my attitude. Man, I love blogging!

Prayer for the day:

God (HP), Please help me be free from resentment towards my State govt. I pray for your will and blessings for the people who work on processing business applications for a living as it must be a dreary, boring job. God, please help me be a positive part of my family today, and not take my frustration out on them. Help me do Your Will today. Please guide my heart and mind as I do the next right thing today.


sirreene said...

Having patience and being able to plan truly does help.

Melody said...

Thanks again my brother..xoxoxo's

Sober Chick said...

"Of course, if my license comes thru today or tomorrow, I will be so freakin busy, I will be bitching about that"

LOL, aren't we so demanding, us alcoholics. We want, want, want, then when we get and then we want something else. I love that you can see this, and you know as well as I that our HPs have quite the sense of humor.

Well, I hope that by the end of this week you will be "bitching" about how busy you are! :)

dAAve said...

Plans are as necessary as is flexibility.
It'll work out. Just you wait and see. If it doesn't, I promise to sacrifice Scott to you.

SCoUt said...

"Of course, if my license comes thru today or tomorrow, I will be so freakin busy, I will be bitching about that"

Very funny. And probably very true. lol
It also reminded me of how MidWestern bitch about how hot it is in the summer and then comes the frickin' winter...lol.
Maybe we live in the same State because I know mine regulates the hell out of everything and then takes their sweet time looking at the paper generated from their regulations.
But you said one thing that is extremely important--it has given you the time to get everything else in good order and all ready to go! That's huge, Scott. Now you won't have to hit the ground running when your license does come!! That is a gift right there!
I am glad Mommy is home and I will keep track of "the frist day of the rest of (your) life".
Thank you for everything you bring to me. I am grateful for you.
Hang in there. Keep praying.

Motorcycle Mike - Sober Biker said...

Great post.

I need to remember to pray for those who are driving me closer to a resentment and a drink.

Today I will pray for my employers.


Tab said...

You are on the right track..hang in there and continue to enjoy your family time:)
Just wanted to share that yesterday my little bear and I walked all the way down to our local pool and swam then turned around and walked all the way home when we were done! I felt both tired and great..later we played a little badmanton together which was actually more laughing then excersise but I will take it!
You keep doing what you are doing and don't forget to give that wife of yours and extra special hug for being you best friend..that is important when you are struggling with issues that feel a little isolating and or frustrating(i.e.your lisense stuff)
All the best,
Thanks for sharing ~

Gwen said...

The prayer you wrote is great. That is about all we can do in those situations. Pray Hard

Gwen said...

The prayer you wrote is great. That is about all we can do in those situations. Pray Hard

lash505 said...

Great prayer, pray for the sick fucks.

Mary Christine said...

God is all or He is nothing.

And I resemble that red haired remark - even if it is out of a bottle!

psychbaby said...

Perfect post today Scott - thank you.