Wednesday, August 23, 2006

keep coming back

dAAve wow, again... I was watching the game in Cincy... wow, sorry bud! I can't beleive Biggio is still playing with them. He was a stud with the 'Stros when I was cheering for them when I lived there back 1991-1994.

My new friend Jonathan seemed to be envious of the peace and serenity that appears to have taken hold in my life today. I recall being envious of my sponsor and his sponsor early on. My grandsponsor used to hammer me, "you'll have 1 yr sobriety in 1 yr, 5 yrs in 5 yrs, 10 yrs in 10 yrs and so on..." That used to really piss me off. I was so emotionally and spiritually beat up, I wanted that peace and serenity right now! Well, I did get a lot of what I thought was peace and serenity early on, they just happened to be tied directly to whether or not I was getting what I wanted at that precise moment. Now granted, I was certainly feeling better than I had in some time, but that was simple, relative to how I was living prior to AA, it wasn't hard to feel better once I stopped poisoning myself.

Now-a-days, especially the past several months, I had experienced an increase in the peace and calm that comes with a strong faith in an HP that I KNOW will never let me down, that will always help me get what I need. I believe that's the result of an accumulation of time spent learning about HP, keeping my will in the forefront and repeatedly getting burned by it. I am a slow learner and a fast forgetter. I don't think it should've taken me 10 yrs in AA before I really, truly started seeing the Faith, Grace and Peace of a God that lvoes me, in mylife on a regular basis, whether times were good or bad. But, it did... It doesn't have to, it's not a requirement but, I think for such a profund change to take place (and I can promise you it will...), it just takes time. When old timers say "keep coming back" to you after you present them with a specific problem that's really eating your lunch, that's what they mean. That used to make me so angry.... I'd lay something out there for some help, and all I would get from these peaceful, smiling, relaxed, sober AA's was "keep coming back." Well, now I understand... Stuff takes time, especially the profound change in spirit it seem we need, in order to really grow beyond just not drinking/drugging. I am grateful that I stuck round, and that HP was patient (and still is) with me. I mean shoot, if at 10 yrs, I am feeling this good... Iam almost afraid to see what the next 10 may bring!

So, my friend Jonathan I say to you.... keep coming back! And by the way, I aint peaceful and serene 24/7 but I sure feel great A LOT of the time now... And that has become the most important ting in my life, protecting and nurturing God's Will and Grace in my life.

Prayer for the day...

God/HP, I am grateful to you for another sober day. Without You in my life today, I know I would be drunk and miserable in a matter of time. Thank You for giving Bill W./Lois and Dr. Bob/Ann, Ebby, Henriette Sieberling , and the first AA's what they needed to get this fellowship rolling. There is no possible way that AA and the recovery movement in the world today is not a Divine Creation of Yours. I know that without the fellowship of AA, I would not be sober today. I pray for your Will in my life, the lvies of all my family and friends, and most especially in the lives of my alcoholic addict friends, sober and/or struggling. I pray that I may remeber today that I need to seek first to understand, love, heal, give, tolerate, etc. I pray that I remember to look for Your Will and Grace throughout that day today.

peace to y'all!


Lex-Sunshine said...

You're awesome. I can't say any more than that. This was exactly what I needed to read, exactly when I needed to read it.

Sober Chick said...

You have such a great auroa, I can feel it in your blog. I can only imagine what it would be like to be in your presence.

Thank you for your concern with Jonathan. I stopped by.

A program of attraction, one big reason why I stayed.

Anna said...

I love the end of your prayer...I pray that I may remeber today that I need to seek first to understand, love, heal, give, tolerate, etc. I pray that I remember to look for Your Will and Grace throughout that day today.
Peace to you too!

Tab said...

envy smenvy ...
everyone has something someone else can envy OR simply learn from :)
that is what I love about all the sharing in much to embrace !

Mary Christine said...

I always try to encourage people to enjoy every part of the journey. I was so anxious to be sober a long time that I almost forgot to enjoy being newly sober... besides, the longer you stay sober, the older you get!! ugh!

dAAve said...

More wonderful thoughts Scott, as always.

Craig Biggio debuted with the Astros in 1988, this being year 19 in the major leagues. He has set most team batting records. He is at or near the top of the all-time leaders in a number of offensive and defensive categories. Next season (about mid-June) he'll get his 3000th hit. He's been an All-Star at 2 positions.
Should be a shoe-in for the Hall of Fame some day.
Most importantly he has only played for one team. He has turned down higher salaries to play elsewhere because he is a TEAM player. He also has a foundation in Houston that does fantastic work for children with cancer. He is a family man in the truest sense.

Trudging said...

I am glad to have long term sobriety but, I look back on my early days with fondness.

lash505 said...

Thats a great post. Sorry