Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Tuesday's post, finished on Thursday!

Well.... we start working back towards normalcy for a day or two, before we inflict ourselves upon my side of the family on Thursday and Friday. I think her folks will be here until tomorrow, then they gotta head back. I have never been one who enjoys having long term company, regardless of who it is. So, I am looking forward to some normalcy. The Holidays are nice while they last, but it's nice to get back to some measure of sanity, sorta... I guess I am one of those who likes his space.. I've always been that way.

My wife bought me this really great book for Christmas: "Emotional Sobriety: the next frontier" It's Grapevine stories about emotional sobriety. The first story is an article y Bill W., talking about his emotional sobriety, depression, etc. I really identified with him... as usual! Of course, I ahd to tease her and make sure she didn't give it to me as some sort of commentary on my emotional sobriety.. (since I am paranoid sometimes that I am being a whacko lol) She assured me the gift was simply something she thought I would enjoy, whew! And of course, my main focus this past year has been my emotional sobriety, my peace of mind, my serenity so, again HP/God/JC doing for me what I need Him to do! great lil book!

Ok, now it's Thursday, lol I started this post on Tuesday, never did finish it! We're off to Toledo today to do Christmas with my side of the family. In years past (as recent as October 2006) this has been a HUGELY insane source of stress for me since we've begun doing Christmas at home (Ian/Santa/playing at Christmas Eve Mass, etc.) rather than having Christmas Eve with my mom and Christmas Day with my dad as I had done basically all my pre-wife/Ian life. Well my mom was a little bummed, but she understands. My dad and step mom have been less than understanding about it and have been somewhat judgemental, dropping remarks here and there over the past 3 yrs. In fact the first yr we stayed home, our visit to do X-Mas with them was downright icy. They cant seem to understand that I've got in-laws, roots in my community, Santa Clause, etc. And for some reason, they think it's appealing to us to drive 2 hrs after doing Christmas morning with Ian (snatching him away from his new presents, etc.) and come up to spend a day or two with everyone. I dunno, maybe I am just a selfish bastard but, it's not really too much fun for us to do it that way. And besides, ever since we began staying home, we've ended up with company on Christmas Day. This is our 3rd X-Mas at home, and we've had either my mom or her folks with us each year. My dad and step mom couldn't possibly look to change their stuff around to come down, but it seems to be ok for us to do so... lol the silly double standard thing. Well, this year (after spending a couple weeks in late Oct. beginning to get that holiday knot in my gut) I decided that enough is enough, I am not going to get all wound up and upset over other people's stuff. And well long story short (ok, too late...) I had the most stress free Christmas I have had since my wife and I started doing the holidays together as bf/gf. And the real jackpot of it was that my step mom (the main wellspring of my stress/insanity) and I had a long heart to heart a couple weeks ago,a nd rather than get all pissy and offended and defensive, we were able to get some stuff on the table that had been bothering us for quite some time and come to the conclusion that we'll just have to respect one another's differences and agree to disagree. I was able to let her know how I've felt about all this without being mean and nasty or getting upset. Now, of course none of this talk changed her opinion on family matters and the importance of us being there on Christmas Day, but she's free to have her opinion. But, I made it clear that I dont think it's right to expect me to agree with it or to judge me if I don't. (which they'll continue to do, it's their way!) If you agree with them (my dad and step mom) you're brilliant, great, wonderful, etc.) And if you don't agree with them, you ought to respect the opinion and change yours, or you're a moron... It's really impossible at times. But this year, I don't have to have a shitty Christmas as a result of that. I think I am finally free of the shackles of what other people think of me.... At least I hope. Now, if only I could quit worrying about how my wife feels about some of my family members.. (she has a tough time with my dad and step mom and it has really upset me in years past..) But hey, one shackle at a time.

So, here's to a fun, peaceful Christmas visit to my family!

Prayer for the day...

God/HP/JC, thank you once again for another sober day, a chance to live Your Will and follow Your Path. I pray that I may be source of joy, happiness and peace for those about me today. Help me to see things from other people's perspective as we celebrate the Holidays today and tomorrow. Please help me to remember that other people's happiness is not my responsibility, beyond my being respectful, kind and compassionate. Please help me to remember that this aint all about me so that I can help Ian and my wife enjoy their visit. Oh, and thanks for another sober Christmas, that I don't have to hurt myself and those I love at this time of year again. The insanity of recent Christmas's is still much better than the insanity of my drinking and drugging Christmas's.

peace to y'all!

4 comments:

Anna said...

I can really relate to your story of visiting family during the holidays. Years ago I put a stop to visiting family on Christmas day after eating my 5th turkey dinner and my children wanting to go home and play with their new toys. I did invite everyone to my house for the next Christmas but never again would I have 5 turkey dinners. It has worked out well ... now we have a very quiet Christmas eve/day that has very little stress attached. I don't regret my decision and phooey with all the people that have demanded I make a diffrent choice.

Lex-Sunshine said...

Hey there Stranger! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I feel you about the going house to house, family to family..... with divorces, re-marriages, new spouses, friends etc. I did 5 Christmases in 3 days!!!! It was a blast, but my dad got left out too. He lives the farthest away. I'll take the kids to see him in early January. Next year, however, I'm staying put and everybody can come visit at my house! : ) I think its a fair bargain.

Best wishes to you, Ian, your wife and doggie in the new year!!!

Mary Christine said...

Wait until Ian doesn't come over some Christmas.

Scott said...

MC- If he is living happily with his family, enjoying life, etc, I will have completed my mission as his dad. I would understand if he didn't/couldn't come for Christmas (and of course, be disappointed) but I would never do or say things to make him feel guilty over his choices. Believe me, I have played that tape in my mind... Kids grow up and have lives of their own, that's kinda the point of raising them.