discernment

Well, I know for sure I am called to be sober... That one is a gimme! The life of a practicing alcoholic/addict did not work for me. I only succeeded in throwing away golden opportunities, harming myself and those around me, and alienating many who I cared for and who cared for me. 13 years later, I still find a few remnants of destruction here and there, amazing!

From way back in my youth, I know I am called to be a musician. I was raised in a musical home, my dad's entire family are/were musicians. I've played the trombone since 4th grade and still play today. I went through a long period after sobriety where I didn't play at all. It was actually through coming to church with my wife, that I got back into playing again. As a result of a simple conversation with the music director about our wedding plans back in 2005, I now play in a local big band, play at Mass several times a year, organize the brass group for church and help out from time to time with the local high school band. Funny how God works, eh? I used to play in churches alot in college and became quite familiar with the roadmap of the Mass as a result... I NEVER thought in a BILLION years I would ever become of all things, Catholic (spoken with pretend disdain, and eyes rolling for good effect). I loved playing at Mass because Catholics paid the best lol. Nice...

I know now that I was/am called to become Catholic. I believe that one of the purposes for my son was to get me closer to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I had no faith to offer my son as a child (sorry, AA wasn't gonna cut it, although I am glad he's exposed now). So, of course when my wife asked about raising him in the church (against my "better judgement"), God gave me the Grace not to object. We began going to Mass fairly regularly and after 5 years of that, I finally "caved" (actually craved) and was welcomed into the Chruch at Easter Vigil 2007.

As for the career path... helping others has been as close as I can seem to get to a clear sense of purpose. As a loan officer, I have the opportunity to help a lot of folks, especially now, with this little refi boom we have going. But, my favorites are the young people purchasing their first homes. Those are my favorite class of people to help, especially the ones who would easily be duped or taken advantage of. I love taking great care of the people who need it most. I have been in sales for a number of years, most of my sober life. And when I can keep the perspective of helping others, ahead of the perspective of "selling and making money" I do fairly decently, and feel great.

I had intended to become a teacher, andI believe I have. However, I drank, smoke and snorted that career away. Or, did I? I seem lately to feel a clear call to go back to "what I am supposed to be doing," teaching. CCD has gone fairly well, as well as 8th grade religious ed can go I suppose. But, people and places seem to be pointing me in a direction to reach out and make a serious run at a real teaching gig, public or private school. I find myself with the same fears and doubts I had in college, but with more confidence and experience. I did finally make some calls and figure out what all I need to do in order to become state licensed again... 12 semester hours will cover that. So, I need to just begin, and make a go of it. Frankly, I am scared... and now going through a period in my sales/mortgage career where I am having more success than ever (it may just be a market driven phase lol, most of our loan officers are really doing well right now). So, I am questioning the call to teach. Maybe now it's time for a few less questions and a few more actions, and see what begins to happen.

thanks for "listening..."