Tuesday, September 22, 2009

family, tough stuff!

Man I goofed and forgot my dad's birthday... He called last nite, I saw the message on the table and figured something was up because it usually takes an act of Congress for him to call. That's my cute to let me know something's up, or at the very least I've waited to long between calls to them (my dad and step mom). He wasn't mad or anything, he really just wanted to check in with me, make sure I hadn't been kidnapped. We had a nice chit chat, like usual. But, I goofed, got too busy and forgot his birthday and I feel bad. And, it's one of those things you simply cannot undo. His main purpose I think, was to remind me of the penalties involved if I forget my step mom's birthday in November. Oh man THAT could be ugly.

My family is a classic case of Al-Anon. My dad's a sober alcoholic, just celebrated 20 yrs. My step mom is a classic controlling, opinionated, hypocritical over protective mom type, to be honest about it. God, love her! Their main rub with me is that I moved about 2 hrs away for a job I left long ago. They cannot understand what would possess me to live so far from family. Evidently, they haven't bene paying attetnion to the insanity that goes on between us all lol. As a family, we're much less insane than we used to be, but that doesn't make me want to live close by. My step mom and my dad are over at her daughter's place, ahnging with their grandkids, going to all their functions almost 24/7. That's not my gig, don't want that much "parental coverage." That's fine for them. the problem comes in where my dad and step mom sort of "punish" us for living so far away and make very litle effort to get down here to see Ian's ball games, swim meets, school open houses, etc. And THAT really gets me. If we want Ian to see them, 99% of the time, we have to take him up there, which I don't mind doing at all, I enjoy our visits. It's just that they won't make anywhere near the effort to spend time with Ian, that they make to spend time with my step sister's kids. Which again, go see those kids all you can, you live right there, enjoy, do your thing. But, don't punish my little guy and blow him off to prove some sort of stupid point to me. Sadly, my step brother lives close by all the parents and they don't pay much attention to him and his family either, certainly not the level of attention my sister's kids get. Great example, my nephew's high school football team recently played a football game 30 minutes from our house. They had to come right by our house, past where we live by 30 minutes to go to this great, exciting "once in a lifetime" game as my step mom put it. We had plans to be in West Virginia visiting my wife's family, it was Labor Day weekend so we had three days to travel. So I had to listen to a bunch of shit about not going to my nephew's game when it's right in my back yard. Ok fine. they come 2 and a half hrs down here to see ihm play ball, and they never even responded to my invitiations to come see Ian play baseball this summer, or last, or any of Ian's swim meets, school open houses, etc. Hell, they didn't even reply to the invite for the baseball games. And to top it all off, if I were to try to have a discussion about it with them I'd be labelled as "petty, overreacting, emotional, unstable, immature" you get the point. They are never wrong. So it's a stupid part of my family life I have to live with. I guess if they didn't have so much to say and get so shitty when I have to (or accidentally) miss some family stuff, I wouldn't mind so much when they blow off Ian. And hey, it's their loss, they are missing out on the life of one very special little boy. It just bums me out because my dad is a better guy than that, but he lives with this woman and he's pretty well (and amazingly) adopted her attitudes about family, especially HERS.

My mom and I get along great. She comes to what she can, with her azthma and other health issues. (for the record lol)

I just wanted to share that, it was on my mind after talking with dad yesterday. I won't even go into the mess this creates in my marriage, it's not pretty. I am stuck between my wife and between my step mom and dad.

God, help me be at peace with how things are in my family. Help me accept my family as they are, and be with them as they continue to walk their own journey with You. I pray that I can find ways to treat them with respect, love and tolerance. I pray that You help me teach my son the importance of HEALTHY family relationships. Please Bless my family and be with them. Help me be a positive influence in my family.


dAAve said...

It's really wonderful when we can accept that we are powerless over the actions of every other human being on this planet. Even dad's and mom's.

~ Tabitha ~ said...

Hi Scott,long time no read..

The better we learn to treat ourselves honestly,the better we evolve in our relations with those around us.True story.

I'm back to blogging..visit anytime..I have no cupcakes but lots of room for sharing wisdom -
and laughs@!


Scott said...

Hey Tabs, welcome back!! I can't wait to come visit... in fact, here I come!