Tuesday, October 27, 2009

the #1 thing...

The most important thing I can tell you about myself today is that I am an alcoholic and an addict. That's the most important thing I know about Scott... Everything else comes after that, is affected by those facts about me. My first sponsor (thank God) impressed upon me the importance of keeping my recovery from addiction and alcoholism the #1 thing in my mind on a daily basis. I came to AA in financial turmoil, relationship turmoil, job turmoil, family turmoil. I wasn't even convinced that ym drinking was really the problem, or that my drinking and drug use had anything to do with my problems. I certainly wasn't an alcoholic when I came to AA, lol. So, I came to AA more focussed on fixing all the external stuff, rather than fixing myself inside. (It's what we do, lol)

My first sponsor convinced me that no matter what else is going on in my life, I have got to stay sober and drug free first, before I can work on any of that other stuff. This meant I HAD to put recovery before everything else. I was skeptical, to say the least. But, I couln't argue with how I felt at AA meetings, I couldn't argue with all the sober men in AA, practicing the 12 Steps and staying sober AND resolving all those other issues one day at a time. It was just so backwards to how I had been thinking. In fact, when I got to AA, nearly EVERYTHING was backwards from how I thought and how I perceived things to be. Man those first several months were scary, it's really a wonder that I stayed sober. I got out of an unhealthy relationship at 6 mos sober, made a HUGE job change into the professional world of finance from McDonald's at 4 months sober. I quit the band I had been playing in, at 2 months sober. Went to the funeral of a band mate who had killed himself, when I was 4 mos sober. I moved from my hell hole into a nice little apartment at about 10 mos sober. But, I did ALL that stuff with the help of my sponsor; a daily consistent prayer life; many, many meetings and with the help of my dad who was about 7 yrs sober in AA at the time.

My sponsor taught me a prayer that saved my life... "God, please remove my obsession to drink and use drugs, just for today." It was that simple... He taught me to hit my knees in the morning and pray this prayer, pary it throughout the day, and then hit my knees again in the evening and tell God thanks for my sober day, and everything that occured. John made (strongly requested) me call him daily at about 4 pm, whether I was in the dumps or not. I had to call even if I knew I would be seeing him at a meeting later that evening. He strongly suggested that I get to a meeting every night. I did those things, and I have been clean and sober ever since.

John taught me to make my sobriety the #1 thing in my life and you know, it has worked and it's still #1 in my life. EVERYTHING good in my life today, I owe to God, AA and some simply followed suggestions from the men who came before me. I was ready, and it worked. It's that simple.


Anonymous said...

When I met my husband I told him, you will never be first. Ever. He knew my sobriety was critical as is my belief in faith. Some days all I have is faith. Being tested lately but my faith and sobriety keep going strong.

You and many others are doing so well and holding up under pressure is a testament to the work your doing. Keep going forward.

Syd said...

It sounds as if you have a very good sponsor and that you are so willing. My gratitude for the program of recovery in Al-Anon is great.