Wednesday, October 07, 2009

self discovery and humility in AA

Humility: "the quality or state of being humble" Humble: "not proud or haughty; not arrogant or assertive"

Step 3 really begins the process of gaining humility. I have to make a decision to give myself over to the care of God. I have to decide to seek and follow God's Will. It's the first real action towards getting out of self, or becoming more humble. When I came to AA, I was full of Scott. I had all the answers, all the ideas, I "ran the show" so to speak (which explains most of the mess, lol). I had to learn that there is a Power greater than Scott. In Step 1, the power greater than Scott was AA. I gave my alcoholismand addiction over to the people in the meetings who were staying sober. But, it was still all about Scott.

As I came to accept HP (in Step 2), I learned I could trust Him with my disease (faith) and only my disease, at this point, nothing else. I was still not showing signs of true humility. And really in Step 3, I had only begun to make that decision to turn my disease "over to the care of God as I understood him." It took awhile and it took the work on Step 4 to really discover the beginning of real humility in myself. I had to write down all the stuff about Scott, the truth about myself. Once I could see all that stuff on paper, the emotion and "feelings" about that stuff began to detach somewhat, and I could see only the truth. Once this stuff was on paper, my mental filters couldn't color the facts. Only then could I really begin to see a non-jaded perspective of myself, the same one others had seen of me all those years. What an eye-opener. And when I shared this with my sponsor (Step 5), I really got a dose of humility. I learned one of the most important lessons of my life. I learned that I was not nearly as good as I thought I was, and I was not nearly as bad as I thought I was. Humility, at last!!

The process came slowly, wasn't much fun at times. But, I had my sponsor and the men in AA I had come to trust (again, faith), and of course HP to keep me going through the process. Today I am grateful to be able to experience glimpses of humility in myself. I can see myself for who I am, and even better,I can see who I wish to become and know the path I must follow to get there. Today, that path still requires faith, acceptance of the truth about Scott, prayer, writing, sharing with others in AA and a reliance upon God. The difference today is that humility comes more quickly and stays longer, before self takes back over. And the peace that comes in moments of humility is indescribable. Being at peace with myself and with God at the same time is my most cherished gift in AA and in my life today.

This is why I always wish peace for you all, and this is what I mean...

Peace to you all...

3 comments:

Mary Christine said...

Nice.

kberman said...

Hi, I have added you to my recovery journey links. I have been blogging since Nov 2004 but didn’t have comments. Recovery date is Nov. 24, 1976. I would be honored if you’d check out my main blog, kathyberman.com

Syd said...

Thanks Scott. I'm glad to have found your blog. I like what you wrote about seeing who you wish to become and knowing the path to follow to get there.