Wednesday, November 18, 2009

change

My life has changed... is changing so much this year. Going from the "for profit" world, into the "not for profit" world has been a big adjustment. I actually saw a 50% increase in my salary (including the $ they give me for insurance) but now there's no possibility for commission (which is where the "big bucks" should have been coming in at the bank/mortgage gig... not so much). So, the net result is a pay reduction since taking over the Chamber of Commerce. The net result is a schedule that is 50% more busy, with meetings and community/chamber related things in the evenings. The net result is a stress level that dropped from 85-90 out of 100 down to 10 on a scale of 100. The net result is a happier me, a less "growly" me at home and at work. The tough part of that scenario is that my wife has determined that she's simply incapable of working outside our home. She believes she cannot handle dealing with people and work situations. She has slowly convinced me of this fact and I am slowly accepting it. That hasn't helped our checkbook. But, it is what it is.

I've become a visible person in my community, a frightening proposition for an alcoholic/addict with secrets and character defects, flawed character, etc. I am an ego maniac with a large-type inferiority complex who gets to write in the paper, go on local tv and radio, and rub elbows with many of the folks around here that make things happen. I used to "hide" by living a highly self centered/self focussed life that involved me and what I like. Now, I volunteer a ton (still self centered I guess, it makes me feel good and I think it helps others like me, which has always been a goal of mine, lol) in my community.

I think I believe that by putting myself out there, I am forced to live a better life, to be a better me because the consequences are more meaningful/dreadful. I think this shift has also occured because my son is getting older and into more things, and I want to be a part of his life in any way I can to help guide him and to enjoy him. Maybe I am having a mid-life crisis? Well, I drive a Kia SUV and I don't have an 18 yr old girlfriend. So, I don't know lol.

What I do know is that my life is quickly becoming unrecognizable from what it was just 3 months ago... Serious change. Some change subtle, some overwhelming. What I also know is that I've fought to keep myself connected to AA and to God at Church. I know in my heart of hearts that I cannot get so busy that I lose connexion with what got me to the point of being able to live this life today.

I love my new life today. I love the changes that are taking place around me.

2 comments:

enchantedoak said...

I so relate with you and your new role in the community. It is fabulous being sober and being part of in a major way. My salary went down 30 percent but my stress level went down 60 percent, so the payoff was wonderful when I went to work for our downtown nonprofit. I feel the same as you do: I love my new life today.

Syd said...

I hear you loud and clear on this. Accountability and responsibility are what helps me to grow.