Thursday, November 19, 2009

life on life's terms...

The past couple of days have been somewhat difficult, from a "getting stuff done" at work perspective. The weather has gotten very chilly, windy and rainy... typical dark grey Ohio yuck. I've been in a bit of an "anti-people" fog and have not felt terribly motivated. This too shall pass, I have faith in that.

Last nite at CCD, those 8th graders fairly trampled me down. I was tired, and they were particularly wound up. I was left with the distinct impression that they couldn't care less about the miracle of the Eucharist at Mass, and the importance of our spiritual "nutrition" when it comes to preparing for and receiving the Eucharist. They are in 8th grade, who can blame them lol? I try to make this stuff understandable and appealing at their level but last nite I just flat out sucked lol. It happens.

Today I will spend the day surrounded by people, "students" (local professionals) who are participating in a monthly class series we put on through the area Chambers of Commerce. Today we tour the various educational facilities in our county. I am working on a good attitude and an open mind, just in case this really turns out to be a dull, uninspiring day. I am not responsible to put this particular class day together, but as one of the "hosts" of this class, I am responsible to help our students get as much from this day as they can. I will make this a good day for me and have gratitude and peace to share.

Yesterday on facebook, I connected to an old friend. And through that old friend, I was connected to my ex-fiance. There's a long story, a lot of history (both drinking and early recovery) involved here. Suffice it to say I was thrown for a bit of an emotional loop as the day unfolded and relationship connections were made that had been left to atrophy over the past several years. It was a collision of my various "lives" that took me all the way back to high school.

When I love, I love hard and intensely and I tend to leave pieces of me behind, replacing those missing pieces with pieces of the people I've loved and grown close to. Yesterday I re-discovered the pieces I'd collected and stowed away, and I fell into some of the holes the missing pieces of me left behind. This looks like a job for HP and some "steppage." It was an eye-opening experience that wasn't entirely positive.

On a positive note, this experience has further reinforced just how much AA and God have changed me through sobriety. My life is completely unrecognizeable from my past. I wonder how that would have all gone down, had I not moved two and a half hours away at 2 years sober. There's some powerful reflections... man!


Mary Christine said...

I have had some similar experiences on facebook. It is a very powerful thing.

♥Shann♥ said...

I soooo know what you are saying her about how reconnecting with someone from the past, and how it can stir feelings. its a trip is all I can say!
I too have found ppl on facebook which has been a very cool and exciting thing

Hope you have a great day Scott!!

ps cant imagine you suckin... but I get what you are sayin

Lou said...

I tried facebook, but didn't stick around too long. I really didn't want to connect to some of my past. That says something about how I handle life, I guess.

I have been tempted to find my first husband (we were married 6 weeks). I'm not that person anymore, and I sure as hell hope he isn't either;)

Syd said...

I don't mind reconnecting with the past. It's the present that sometimes gets me down.

enchantedoak said...

I know about those holes in the past. On a rare occasion, I'll fall into one and have a whole mishmash of emotional reaction. Thank God for sponsors who listen while we talk out whatever it is and then help us let go of it.

Madison said...

Your life is completely unrecognizable. Wow. That says a lot about the great path you're on.