reflection

"Absolution?"

Forgiveness for what I've done is offered, yet elusive.
How can I ask if I'm not yet done offending?
Ahh perfection is the goal, not the means to get there.

"Don't judge." they say. But if you knew me well,
what would you say then? "Don't judge?"
Good luck with that, a test of your Christianity.

I seek absolution, but do I deserve it?
I'm told that all I need to do is be truly sorry
and work to improve myself in some significant way.

Good works, do they atone for the bad ones?
Is it really some formula I can manipulate
to my own successful soul-redemption?

To reflect and be with God is the answer
and it will come clearly when my own heart is willing
enough to sit quietly with Him and hear His truth.

I find the recovery process to be eerily similar to the Catholic/Christian practices during Lent. We work to grow closer to our Higher Power (mine is God/Jesus/Holy Spirit)/pray and reflect; work to identify, remove and seek forgiveness for character defects/reconcile ourselves and atone for our sins, practice fasting and self denial; share our recovery with others/give alms and do additional good works.

I suppose that's why I love, look forward to and appreciate the Lenten season so much. It runs parallel to the recovery process that saved my life. Often times I find myself with more questions than answers during Lent. To me, that's just progress through life and the realization that the more I learn, the less I really "know."