Monday, April 04, 2011

Photographs, Memories and Nostalgia

This week's Poetry Potluck has a fun theme... looking back over my life I can think of no more important memory than that of my last night of drinking. I was playing in a band, in a bar in Toledo (and no, it wasn't across from the depot lol) and I had decided that morning that I was going to play the show sober (no drugs or alcohol). By that afternoon I had forgotten my morning pledge and was up to my eyeballs in pot and beer. So I decided that since I had begun, I might just as well make the most of it. I recall having over $20 in my pocket that evening and after buying a sandwich and a couple batteries for my bass guitar pedal, I blew the rest on $1 beers (that was our pay for playing). I distinctly recall sitting at a Frisch's Big Boy in downtown Toledo at God only knows what time in the morning, feeling stone cold sober after all that smoking and drinking. That freaked me out and gave me the push I needed to stop drinking after that and visit my first ever AA meeting. They say that if you've forgotten your last drink, you haven't had it yet. I've never forgotten mine after 15 years sober in AA. I am grateful for this particular memory.

Merry-go-round

I'd made a small pledge from up on my ledge,

looking out at the mess I'd become.

I was going to try something new, something dry

at the club
in the haze, no more could I lie.

I'd not take a drink, nor a smoke or a snort.

For tonight I'd be sober, I'd likely retort.
(to anyone who asked)
I had not a clue what it would be like

to play our tunes clean in front of my mike.


I had not drawn a true sober breath

I'd needed a break to be sure.

I knew it was trouble, but I had no clue

just how much damage I'd every night do.

When drinking and drugging, singing and playing,

I had no idea it was me I was slaying.


"I'm not going to do this again!"
turned into:
"How could this happen again?"

And there I was, so much the poorer
in dollars and sense.
Yet sober I felt at 3 in the morning,

I had no more money but heeded the warning
caused by my failed experience.

So off I went on adventures so grand,

that to this day, whenever I land

in a difficult spot, or quandry, or knot,

that all I must do, is remember my plan

to stay sober that night, my insane little plot.

I've climbed down from my perch on the merry go-round

and all I can say is what's lost is now found.

10 comments:

bendedspoon said...

so very good! sober, good that you are now :)

Jingle Poetry said...

glad that you drink and have fun...

stay blessed.
A++

lynnaima said...

KUDOS AND CONGRATS!!! :)
I love the way you shared the story and all its important parts

Enjoy the rally!
http://lynnaima.wordpress.com/2011/04/04/a-silent-cry/

beccagivens said...

Powerful words ... many blessings on your benchmark of sobriety ... not everyone can manage its stark truth ... thank you for visiting my blog!

fiveloaf said...

nice one scott! my potluck.. http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2011/01/21/remain/

fiveloaf said...

nice one scott! my potluck.. http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2011/01/21/remain/

jessicasjapes said...

I enjoyed that! It's heartwarming to see you sticking to your decision. I like the idea of what's lost is now found.
Thanks for visiting yesterday!

jessicasjapes said...

I enjoyed that! It's heartwarming to see you sticking to your decision. I like the idea of what's lost is now found.
Thanks for visiting yesterday!

intothebardo said...

Scot, this is very well done and do so honor your for your commitment. Bravo! Blessings ...

JamieDedes
Musing by Moonlight
Into the Bardo

patcegan said...

Thanks for sharing your story. You are of great courage! hugs, pat