stolen moments

I'm stealing some time from ym work day to be here in one of my "mobile sanctuaries" our local coffee house and book store.  Life has been sending many challenges and opportunities for my growth at me and I just need to carve a little bloggage time out.  This recovery blog is an important part of my AA program and I suffer when I am away for too long!  Thanks so much to my friends here for your kind comments and happy thoughts!

Mom met with the surgeon yesterday and he immediately told her that they need to get that spot out of her lung.  This is what we were hoping to hear (aside from some unlikely miracle like "it's not a problem, leave it there, not cancer).  At least this is operable, and the surgeon (according to mom) was practically bounding about the office in anticipation of a succesful removal of 1/3 of her lung and all of the spot.  Mom is remarkably positive, alomst as if she's excited about all of this.  My step bro called me yesterday to check on me (I am 2 hrs south of my family) and to see if I thought mom wasn't dealing well with this.  She is so positive, he's wondering if she's in some kind of denial (he's an expert, having spent over a year in AA before returning to the frat boy lifestyle).  I figure it like this.  She knows whats happening, she has her faculties, she's thinking clearly and my amazing step-dad is at her side eevery step of the way.  If she wants to be overly positive about this, God bless her!  I know she's being brave, I know she's scared, and I know she's being extra positive around me and around the family so we don't worry.  And in response, I am being very positive right back at her.

It kills me sometimes when people expect more negativity from folks.  When it comes to cancer, I think a positive attitude is as important if not more important than good medicine. I strongly believe that a good positive HP relationship/connection is essential for good health.  My wife is a clear example of the opposite of this theory.  She consistently expects the worst, lives in anticipation of negative outcomes on a regular basis (although she argues this point because I don't know what's in her mind) and often projects bed things before she even begins a task and marvels in disbelief when things don't go well.  She's often tired, under the weather, stressed, worrisome and so forth.  She's right, I'm not in her mind.  All I have to go on is what she says and does, but that alone is telling.  I pray for her and try to help when the opportunity presents itself.  I pray she finds peace and an AA sponsor because I know that step work will help her greatly.  (she self-sponsors, I've not done real well with that approach myself).

At any rate, I am just grateful for today, that mom has a plan and that I can go visit her this weekend and be there next week for her surgery.  I've been upping the number of meetings and appearances at church and all things considered over the past month, I am doing alright!