Hope is something AA provided me from day one. Hope one of the greatest gifts a suffering alcoholic can be blessed with. For so long we live in fear, depsair, confusion, chaos, anger and self-hatred. To finally come to a place where we learn we're not bad people getting good, we're sick people who need to get well is a miracle. For me, hope arrived at my first meeting when I heard about the solution in AA.
I heard alcoholics (and I could tell they knew their business for sure!) discussing the gift of recovery in my first meeting I was blown away. I listened to their experiences before AA and what happened to them once they stuck around to practice the Steps. I could relate so well with what most of them had gone through that their stories of recovery filled me with hope that I too, might find relief if I stuck around and learned about the Steps.
I was so afraid to go to AA and find out I am an alcoholic (among other things). Now, I am grateful to be alcoholic, or well at least to have learned that there is a solution. And at least I finally learned what the heck my problem was (ME!). When I arrived at the threshold of Alcoholics Anonymous, I had NO clue what my problem was (other than bosses, parents, fiancees, God's unfair trials, and a world that doesn't "get me").
Today I am still filled with hope. No matter what the situation, outcome, trial, opportunity, challenge, etc. I know that HP has good things in store for me. I need to do my best to align my will with that of my HP, and good things come to pass. And so today, I reflect on hope as I prepare to go to Mass. My heart is filled with an expectant relief that no matter what, everything will be ok.
4 comments:
It's a paradox that we are scared to find out what we already know.
I'm grateful that you all are here every day reminding me of how each of you struggled and finally got honest.
I'm grateful that you continue to show how the problems of life are solved through this trust in God and honest admission of powerlessness :) YAY GOD!
That has just taken me back to a Tuesday evening in June 2004 when I was bussed out of my rehab to a meeting - grabbed a cup of "proper" coffee (Decaf only in the rehab) and chocolate biscuits (definitely contraband in the rehab) and sat in a little church hall thinking "what the hell am I doing here?"
Then I heard one phrase, just after the speaker finished (apologies to him I didn't listen to a word). I latched on that, then the next speaker, then the next - each of them saying stuff I related to. I'd figured I wasn't unique once in rehab but I was still happy to be insane and have to be separated from society - here suddenly were people who I could totally relate to say how they felt (same as me) and acted (same as me) but these were getting up and living in the real world day in day out and not picking up a drink. That moment was the Eureka! one - I now know that is hope, I couldn't have called it that then I was still so screwed up.
AA rooms remain the only place in the world I have ever been where I felt NO SHAME. That's a very big deal.
I am glad that you have found the solution. And that you have found peace and hope in a life that otherwise would be unmanageable. That is a miracle.
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