perspective!

Ahhh good ole Monday morning! My UPS tracking website thingee says that my new office computer will be arriving today! The copier guy is coming by to meet with me and set up a lease for a butt kicking copier, slicer, dicer, scanner, printer, faxer, microwave, tv, radio multifunction thing-a-ma-bob doo-hickey. I should hear from the State of Ohio regarding my loan officer license transfer. With any luck, by the end of the day I just might be well on my way to getting this show on the road. At least I will finally be able to write some loans! I won't actually get the office entirely open on its own until the State licenses the office (later on this month). But hey, all in His time! This afternoon, I even have my final (fiiiinally, OMG) closing for the previous mortgage company. So, today ought to be rather significant.

Having said all that, I now turn to what's most important! I need to watch my arse today for those ugly little "rights" and expectations. I got a lot "scheduled to happen" today, and this is typically the type of deal where I can end up really pissy if some or all of it doesn't turn out the way I think it should... SO, here's where I turn to my good friend Dr. Paul O. in his story in the Big Book. My favorite portion can be found in the 4th ed. beginning on page 416. (This would be the old war horse "449" that everyone refers to, however, I prefer to start back a lil further with this paragraph):

"It helped me a great deal to become convinced that alcoholism was a disease, mot a moral issue; that I had been drinking as a result of a compulsion, even though I had been unaware of the compulsion at the time; and that sobriety was not a matter of willpower. The people of AA had something that looked much better than what I had, but I was afraid to let go of what I had in order to try something new; there was a certain sense of security in the familiar."

Oh man, the first time I stumbled over this in my reading of the Big Book, I had to read, and re-read. I had come to that point in the book where you "find yourself" as I was told I would. The part that concerns the success of my day today reads as follows:

"And acceptance (say it with me, I know you know it!) is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world, as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes." -AA Big Book p 417.

This passage is still as mind blowing to me today as it was 10 years ago wen I first read it. I know people get tired of the reference to this story, but doggone it, this really, really brings things into perspective for this alcoholic. I need to be reminded that I am in God's world, and nothing happens that isn't supposed to. When I can realize that everything is always as it is supposed to be, there is simply nothing to get all flustered, razzled, pissed, upset and so forth (if I am honestly trying to fit myself to be of maximum service to God and those about me). Of course, that's a big IF and I get off track frequently. Which is why I lay my agenda before God today, and ask him for the grace for me to be willing to accept whatever outcome may occur today. Man, does that set the table for a peaceful day! It's alot more difficult to go back on God when you've asked for His help.

To me, this is all very important stuff but, in the scheme of things, who in 100 yrs is even going to be aware of what happened today? Now there's an interesting question...

peace to all!