Sunday, August 20, 2006

A nice quiet morning, got the chairs set out on the curb for the parade first thing this morning, so we got a good spot... Got the gig at the pavilion later on, that's kewl, even got through the Sunday paper! It was nice to catch up on everyone's blog this morning, it is tuff to keep up with everything! I posted some pics from the Busch Series race in Kentucky I went to last spring over on my images site... check em out if you're into racing, or even if you're not.

I will tell ya what, i think i could use a bit of Al-Anon these days. Ever since my serenity and peace of mind has been rockin and rolling for the past several months fairly consistently, I notice that I have difficulty dealing with my wife's negative attitued. Its not like she wants to get drunk, or go kill herself or anything that severe where she can't get outta bed like heavy depression. It's just this subtle mood thing, where the glass is always half empty. She never seems to see the positive in things, complains alot, seems generally unhappy more often than not. Like any good alcoholic, I tend to absorb the environment I am in. I am alot better at "bringing my own weather to the picnic" but it's hard day after day not to get sucked into that stuff... (and I am not blaming my wife for my moods or giving her responsibility to keep me happy...) It's like I go from this pleasant, happy, less serious world outside my home, into this heavy, worrisome, "nothing seems to go right", gloomy sorta deal at home. Now, it's not 100% of the time, and it isn't severe, but it's nearly every day, and it wears on me. Now, I ain't Mr. Rogers or anything, I have my dark moments, my temper, etc... I am just grateful that I don't see the world like I used to, where I am a victim, everything is stacked against, me, I am totally synical, etc. I used to be more like that, but the addition of more meetings, work with alkies, bloggage, prayer, meds etc. has really helped me. Sad thing is, she thinks she is fine and dandy, doesn't even realize... So, hell maybe she is fineand dandy, and I am insane I dunno but, it sure can make things difficult. Especially when I let it get to me, or join in the mood... All i can figure is that I have to have my own program, learn to accept my wife (which I do, but sometimes I get real tired of all of it and get frustrated with and pissed off at her) and pray for God's Will and Grace for her... It's not like things are horrific or anything, it just kinda sucks, sometimes more often than not. I dunno, two alkies who love to isolate, living together, raising a 4 yr old later in life... Tough...

Prayer for the day...

God/HP, help me to stay sober today, that I may live in the Sunlight of Your Spirit. I pray that I may experience Your Love and Grace, that I may somehow transmit it to those around me. Please help me remember all the reasons I married my wife, why I love and respect her so much. Help me to remember just how far she's come, to remember what I saw when I saw her drunk last time. Help me to accept my wife, and worry about my own insanity while giving her the love, respect and space she needs in order to live her lif. Oh, and God/HP, help me to share my passion and love for Your gift of music this afternoon, and not get too nervous, playing in front of the home crowd! Thank you for this life!

peace to y'all!

4 comments:

Mary Christine said...

God Bless You and Your Wife.

Sober Chick said...

I went to a doubles winner meeting recently and was amazed to hear about a similiar message -- how so many found a greater serenity working the steps again but in Al-anon. Some discovering this after being sober in the double digits.

I still have not ventured to the Al anon world . . . we will see.

For now, thank you for being a part of my experiences.

dAAve said...

I didn't read this until early Monday morning. Is that against the rules?

Trudging said...

Yes, God bless you!