Monday, March 19, 2007

Reconciliaton

I've experienced my second Catholic Sacrament now! Nearly two yrs ago, I experienced the Sacrament of Matrimony. While it was a wonderful Mass, an incredible day and occasion, I didn't really know exactly and completely what Sacramental marriage meant at the time. In becoming Catholic, I am beginning to understand more clearly.

Tonite, just a short time ago, I experienced the Sacrament of Reconciliation (many people refer to this as Confession). I attended the Reconciliation service at my parish this evening and wow, I am a little overwhelmed, in a good way. I attended without my wife as we had no one ot look after the boy. I was a little scared and nervous as this is a little bit different than doing a 5th Step in the fact that I was there attempting to reconcile with God and Jesus for the things I had/hadn't done, said and thought that separate me from Him. In doing several 5th Steps, I looked at things more as personal faults, defects of character, without so much of an eye toward my eternal salvation and my "rightness" with God. The service was incredibly meditative, the music was awesome, thought provoking, prayerful. I was unsure how to begin once it was my turn with the priest,a nd probably looked more than a little freaked out, lol. I mean we're talking 38 yrs of separation from God by choice, lol He helped me get started and I managed to share some things with him that I saw as my most aggregious sins. Once I got done, and had made my way back to my seat, I prayed, meditated, reflected and became very emotional. I was afraid I would begin to cry... I am thankful for Christ's Mercy, for God's forgiveness... I am truly beginning to understand some things about my relationship with God and Christ. I am realizing that I am more than good enough to be there with Christ in Mass, and more than good enough to join Him in Baptism, Confirmation and the Eucharist. And yet, I am not so good that I am free from sin or perfect. I am at peace with some stuff in my life, more so than I was earlier today. But, I know in my heart of hearts that I have a long way to go. However, it feels great to have been honest with myself, God and someone else and to actually have Christ's forgiveness and Mercy through my priest. I think this will change me for the better and hopefully for a long time. And, I do not feel overwhemlingy guilty, nor do I feel like I am completely washed clean. I feel like I have made peace with some majorly important things between me and God. I am grateful that I went ahead and followed my deacon's suggestion to participate in tonite's service. It was beautiful indeed.

Prayer for tonite...

God/HP/JC, thank You for another sober day. I am especially grateful for Your mercy and Forgiveness tonite as I shared in Your Holy Sacrament of Reconciliation. I am grateful to You for accepting us all into Your arms, regardless of what has ahppened in our lives, as long as we are willing to grow, change and work to become closer to you each day. I pray too, for my brothers and sisters who were there with me tonite, for Your Mercy for them, that You might ease their pain as You have eased mine. I pray for Your Will and Grace for all my family and friends, that I might be an example of Your Spirit in their lives. Help me to help those around me, as that is my purpose here.

peace be with you all...

8 comments:

Mary Christine said...

Congratulations on your first reconciliation. I think it is a wonderful thing. Certainly doesn't take the place of the 5th step, it is entirely a different process. I am grateful I am a woman and can get away with crying all the time!

lushgurl said...

That just sounded perfectly beautiful and cleansing. I'm glad you have found peace within you.
I used to attend Church regularily, makes me wonder why I stopped (probably my addiction kept me away!)
HUGS

Lex-Sunshine said...

That's just beautiful! Keep on keepin' on man....... Awesome!!!

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

Thank you for sharing, my friend. Now I know what's Holy Sacrament of Reconciliation meant.

vicariousrising said...

I am a seriously lapsed Catholic and no longer believe in organized religion for me. However, I really and truly was moved and believe in it for you. I could feel the truth and honesty in your faith in your post, and it was really beautiful.

I hope you don't think I am being faceteous because I mean it from my heart. I am very happy for you.

~Judith

Shannon said...

wow, I can feel it too.

Lounge Daddy said...

till praying with ya dude

God bless

Tab said...

You know something Scott.
I am not one of any religion.
And I am one of those who question alot of organized religion for reasons you are probably well aware of.BUT.when you share here,
you remind me we are all diverse humans trying to make sense of it all and finding what works for us as unique indaviduals.I appreciate your willingess to share what works for you Scott..and I do so repect all that you share.
Thanks for being you Scott..you are a ray of light out here for many of us :)