Thursday, September 18, 2008

well, thanks anyhow!

Thank you all for all your kind thoughts and prayers and wishes of good luck but it isn't to be. I got the call. The board couldn't make a decision over either of us so they decided not to make a decision at all based on the fact that they want someone with more commercial lending experience. I understand to a point, especially in this financial market, these days. I think they are going to hold out for a "superstar" with experience. Hey, it's their bank and their decision.

The thing is, I had my heart set on this gig. I had it in the bag, in my mind I had given 2 weeks notice and departed. The job I have now has become totally toxic. I earn well below what it takes to run my household, and we certainly do not likve "high on the hog." While I may not be perfect, or the best loan officer, I bust my ass for my company and most of all for my clients and get very little to show for it except a shitload of micro-management, and bitching about rates and closing costs. So, I know I gotta get outta there, and soon. My nerves are frayed and I am pissed or disgusted more often than not at the end of the work day.

And to make matters more fun, I had almost half my pipeline for the month blow up in the hour before I got the call. So, here I sit once again in the shitter financially, still. Needless to say, it wasn't a good afternoon. I found myself getting so upset and frustrated that I had to pack my stuff and get outta the bank. I came home and finished up there.

I know there's plenty of others who have it worse than me but right this minute, I kinda don't care. I spend a large portion of my off work hours volunteering, teaching and helping others, and I love it. Right now, I just need to re-collect myself, stay busy in the community and with my family, and literally, get the hell outta dodge. I am past the point of being able to tolerate much more. If I were making some money, I could put up with more. But I aint, and I cannot.

We pick ourselves up and dust off... When I am done lamenting my damned shitty luck where my career is concerned, I will dust off and go kick ass another day. Right now, it's time for Ian's soccer practice. I gotta fill in as coach Sat, so I gotta run.



Mary Christine said...

Oh my goodness. those disappointments are hard to take. It probably isn't a fun time to be a mortgage guy. Hang in there.

Mary Christine said...

Lincoln is beautiful, and you sound great!

dAAve said...

Sorry to hear all that.
Keep walking forward, knowing for sure that it will all workout.