Tuesday, December 08, 2009

affirmation, for me

Sobriety comes first.... nearly 14 years since my last drunk and sobriety still comes first in my life today. Not only does sobriety come first but sanity and peace of mind are part of sobriety and so I value those two states of mind/being above all else in my life. How can I be so selfish when I am trying to become less self-centered?

In order to have any kind of meaningful life, that includes a relationship with God/HP/Jesus I must first be sober. In order to live productively, in order to care about someone other than myself (oh, let's say my son and my wife for starters), I have to be rid of my obsession to drink and use drugs. When I was drinking... all I cared about was Scott and having a good time. If I live my life today with that attitude, my family won't hang around me very long.

In order to maintain a career and to want to serve those around me, I must first be sober and then be working a program that rids me of my self-centeredness. How could I possibly want to lead a Cub Scout Pack of 35 insane grade school boys on various indoor and outdoor adventures on a monthly basis if I hate life, can't be honest with myself and feel the need to isolate? How could I want to reach out to a child I left behind in early recovery in order to stay sober, if I couldn't even handle the relationships I have here close to me? How could I manage to pull off events, lead meetings and discussion groups and run a small business (i.e. the chamber of commerce) if I couldn't even manage to run my own life?

I have to be sober. I have to work/live/practice the 12 Steps of AA (and evidently some of the Steps of Al-Anon as well) if I want to have a realistc shot at any sort of life worth living today. God has given me, and continues to give me the miracle of recovery each day. I place my trust in Him and He guide me. If I let Him (and on occasion I do), He will guide all the areas of my life. Slowly I am letting go of my ideas, and looking to God for that guidance in more and more parts of my life. Slowly, most areas of my life are improving. Hopefully, my part in all areas of my life will improve, regardless of what's going on around me.

While it's most definitely a gift and a priviledge... a blessing to be sober today. For me, it's a must. Everything good in my life has come as a result of having gotten and stayed sober. Thank God for AA and you people :-)


Mary Christine said...

I think that sobriety being first does not equate to being selfish. But then I don't have someone telling me it is.

Lou said...

When I incorporated daily prayer and mediation into my life (something I had no concept of before AlAnon), my life changed so dramatically for the better. Not just with the addict, but with everybody.
Like you say..start with yourself, and everything else falls into place.

enchantedoak said...

I have to spend time in meditation every morning to stay "right sized" and remember who and what I am, and who's in charge. Then go forth to do God's will in all my affairs. It's the only way I'll stay sober. No matter what happens, I know that my "Redeemer Liveth." And my sobriety comes first. If I don't have that, I have nothingl