Monday, December 14, 2009

I went up to visit my family over the weekend... it was a MUCH needed break and it was wonderful. I got a surprise, Kayla ended up staying part of the weekend at her aunt's house which is 5 minutes from my dad's house. So, I was able to go meet her and visit with her for a couple hours. I cannot even express how much that meant to me. We just hung out with everyone and goofed off, nothing real heavy lol. She's so beautiful and perfect and special... I will treasure that visit.

We chatted last nite and she began asking some tough questions that any kid in her shoes would ask. "What happened to my mom and you, how come it didn't work out?" "I always wondered how I would've turned out if you'd have gotten married..." Evidently, she's not real close to her real dad and step dad, from what she says. I am trying to remember that I am talking to a 15 year old girl, full of emotions that are running the wide range from love to anger and self doubt. So, I am listening and being honest and loving with everything she says. It sounds like being a 15 year old girl is not easy!

I have been on an insane emotional run over the past month, especially the past two weeks. I am needing to get my emotions back within normal parameters. My wife and I have begun to pray together at bedtime. I am praying, planning on doing an inventory. I've reached back out to my first sponsor and am talking with guys around me in AA. I am going to have to work through the Steps in Al-Anon also. Thankfully, it's a day at a time and my prevailing attitude is one of gratitude and love. As badly as I need relief, I know it comes slowly. I am ready.

God Bless y'all for your kind, honest words. I don't have a clue how all this will work out. But, I have faith that everything will be just fine.


dAAve said...

Scott, as much as it may hurt, it sure sounds like your doing the right things.
The payoff will be more than you can imagine, I'm sure.

enchantedoak said...

I'm glad you connected with Kayla. It's hard being a 15 year old girl. (As if I can remember--oh, wait, I'm a mom, too!)
You're on the right track, I think. You sound healthier and stronger now. Keep doing what you're doing, and you'll keep getting what you're getting, good or bad. I'm glad you're choosing to remember it's an inside job, one day at a time.

Lou said...

You have been hit with a lot this past couple weeks. No wonder it's been intense. You are the kind of person who is willing to work at problems, not brush them under the rug or blame someone else.
I think you are doing great!

Syd said...

Scott, I really admire your willingness to do what's necessary for yourself and your sobriety as well as your relationship. I think that you will get a lot out of Al-Anon which has made me really look at myself, my faults, my assets, and my spirituality.