Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I'm looking forward to my emotional state smoothing out. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster of highs and lows. I haven't experienced anything this emotionally disturbing in awhile. It's good to be able to come through periods of time like this without over-reacting and making rash, ridiculous decisions. Feelings are real, they are there, they occur. However, they are not facts, they are emotions. We can't discount them, but we must deal with them. So, I pray and talk (alot lately) in an effort to keep my emotions "out in front of me, where I can see them clearly."

I've decided to send Kayla a small Christmas gift "care package." Her mom keeps her under wraps to the point where she doesn't have her own room or any privacy at all. So, I am sending her a journal and "Chicken Soup for the Girl's Soul." I am also sending her the Serenity Prayer in a blank greeting card so I can share a little bit about what that prayer has done for me and meant to me. The poor kid isn't getting a chance to find her own way in life since mom is so smothering. It's a shame, really. But I can at least share my gratitude for life, and my faith in God with her and encourage her to be her own person and help her find her way from a distance. She'll survive her mom, but it will make for a poor relationship between them later in life, which is a shame. But hey, there's nothing I can do about that.

Today, sobriety for me is about peace and gratitude. I am working on supporting my wife in her efforts to "get more happy." She's going to go see her doc tomorrow and is planning to get in touch with a former therapist for a few sessions. We're also going to see a marriage counselor with an agency that is tied to the Catholic Church. We're reading Al-Anon reflections from "Courage to Change" and "The Language of Letting Go" and we're praying together. I've been getting to the gym, doing no less than a 5K each time. That has felt wonderful. I think that helps to burn nervous energy and focus my mind a bit. Everything is a day at a time right now but at least we're taking actions daily. I don't know where it will lead at this point, that's ok with me right now.


Mary Christine said...

Keep trudging... you just keep doing the next right thing.

enchantedoak said...

Hooray for you, Scott! One day at a time sounds more manageable than having to figure out how to deal with the rest of your life!
I liked the line about 'keeping my emotions out in front of me'... never heard it put that way before. That's how I cope with mine too.

Syd said...

Scott, just reading how supportive you are with your wife makes me realize how little it takes to make others feel good. I have to remember that my fear is an emotion and not a fact. Thanks for sharing this today.

Lou said...

I go to the gym every day. Believe me, you don't want to be around me if I miss a day..LOL

This is just the best news, the effort you are making with your wife. Good stuff!