Saturday, December 05, 2009

Saturday

Well, all I am going to say about yesterday's post and yesterday is that things certainly did not improve. Nothing will change until something changes, and something has got to change here.

I am glad that days begin and end. I needed to have a break, a clean slate. I pray that today is a better one. It's my wife's birthday and I have to go to the office for a few hours this morning, we're open Saturdays in order to sell Chamber gift certificates for Christmas shoppers. Then Ian and I will go out and he'll pick his mom's birthday present and we'll come home and celebrate her birthday. Later on we're going to some friends house to play cards. I don't want to give the impression that everything is all fine and dandy but I can't spend the damn day walking around all resentful and angry. I think that the "next right thing" for me to do is to be kind and respectful and do my best to make a nice birthday for her today.

In the mean time, I am going to call my sponsor and work on getting some Al-Anon help in my life. I've made an appt to go talk to our priest on Tuesday but I don't really know what good that will do. I've been in there before to share with him and while I cannot disagree with his advice, what he suggests won't occur. He suggests that we pray closely together, read scripture and reflections together, worship together (which we do go to Mass together, at least we sit side by side). But she's not interested in praying or reading with me, or really even talking about anything positive and meaningful from a spiritual perspective. So all of that good stuf is out the window.

Counselling "costs money we don't have" so that will only add to her stress. Wait... I think I said at the beginning of this post that I wasn't going to go here today and well here I am again. I'm not a faker lol and don't do well at just "putting on a happy face." So, when things are upsetting me, I struggle. Thats just how that goes.

5 comments:

The Turning Point said...

Hey Scott
I've been sober 47 years.
Been in Alanon for 22.
I finally went when to Alanon when
everything else failed.
I thought it was the worst thing I could do....came to find out I really needed it.
we've been married for 56 years and started a Recovering Couples Anonymous group 7 years ago.
All the numbers were made possible by these great 12 step programs.

Urge you to try Alanon, worked for me.

JF

Scott said...

Hey JF, thank you!

When we first got together 10 years ago, she had her final bout with active alcoholism and I had been going to Al-Anon. So, I am a former "double-winner" lol. I now need to get my Al-Anon program happening again. She's a wonderful person, but she's in a bad way and it's having a major negative inmpact on me. so I need to take care of me!

Thanks for coming by and thanks for your comment!

Madison said...

Hang in there, Scott. Things have to get better, right?

Mary Christine said...

I am really worried about you. Sorry, that is just the truth. You always try to make it sound like it is OK, but it sounds impossible.

Lou said...

AlAnon gave me my life back. Before it, I chased my tail round and round with "why??" If only I knew "why" I could fix it (NOT).

I see now it was such a waste of energy..energy I could have used to live my own life, and to nurture the relationships with the REST of my family.