Thursday, December 10, 2009

Thursday continued...

Well, part of the reason for the short post this morning is that my wife wandered in and stood there staring at my computer screen as I was posting. So, I wrapped it up.

A little while later, we had it out... She backed me into a corner at 6:30 in the morning and I came out swinging. It wasn't the best solution but I'm tired of all of this, and I am upset. It was ugly, it was loud and I aired my feelings about everything, in a not very friendly manner. I'll spare you the details, they don't really matter anyhow. Ian was all crying and upset out in the living room, so she went to calm him down, then I took my turn with him after she talked to him, trying to make it very clear to my 8 yr old son that mommy and daddy aren't behaving like mommies and daddies are supposed to and that he's done nothing wrong and that we both love him very much. I assume that her conversation went much the same way.

A few moments later as they were sitting in the kitchen, she calmly (almost as if nothing had happened) told me she is planning to call Father and see him, call her doc, and a counselor. (I basically had to yell at her "to get some ****ing help, I am tired of making suggestions and telling you this... Go get well!" So, now she's all about doing that all of a sudden. I won't hold my breath.

I don't know what to do really. I probably shouldn't be putting all this stuff out here but I am just so full of hurt, anger, resentment. It helps to get it out. And it is after all, anonymous at least. I had lunch today with one of my AA peeps, talked with my step mom, etc. I told my wife we could talk this weekend. Now, she wants to talk lol. I am pretty much done with talking. I need space, I need to heal, I need time and I think I need to just be done. I don't know. Evidently she's called a counselor today and made an appt with Father for tomorrw for herself. I hope it helps her. I think I am expected to be all relieved or something. I am not even remotely impressed to be honest... A little surprised, but not too excited.

Please pray for peace for us.


enchantedoak said...

Prayers going up for you. Head out to the evening with an open mind, and you may find something restorative happens....

dAAve said...

I hope you are able to find a friend or 2 (a sponsor?) to talk to. Don't keep this stuff inside.
Just be honest, open-minded and willing to do whatever is necessary.
Chill, dude.
(does that mean to stay cool?)

The Turning Point said...

Hey Scott
Been following your posts, just couldn't find time to leave a comment. Anyhow I would like to share my experience, definitely not to give any advise. My wife and I went through the: 1st year of no decision making about splitting or staying together; the throwing of small utensils during our learning to communicate phase;bankruptcy: loss of two businesses; 3 of 4 children teen alcoholics/drug/treatments;
death of son/alcohol; related and a temporary separation in my 23rd year of sobriety as well as a few other things. We now enjoy the love and life of children, grandchildren and grant grandchildren all because we elected to stay (both came from alcoholic families)and see if we could work through our relationship issues together. My sponsors always told us, "if you split,stop and think, you'll just carry them with you into the next relationship. Of course it meant both of us had to commit to doing our part. AA, Alanon,Recovering Couples Anonymous,counseling, priest and whatever it took helped us find and nurture a priceless love and relationship. Hopefully I haven't sounded preachy, it's just that we now love and cherish our 56 yrs together, 47 of them sober.
P.S. I couldn't stop myself I had to share as a baptized Catholic, ex-trombone player,ex Ohioan.
We would have split if either one of us had been abusive in any way.


Mary Christine said...

I will keep you all in my prayers.

Syd said...

I agree with Dave. Talk to your sponsor and get it out there so that your part in this is clear. I can build resentments and become judgmental in a heartbeat. It's not a good place to be.