Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Good morning everyone!

We had a nice discussion yesterday (at the noon meeting) about judging others. I kept my share simple (which is a miracle indeed) and said that I judge others because it makes me feel better. And frankly, that's really about what it boils down to. If I can run someone else down, thereby feeling superior to them, I feel better. I have to watch that very carefully because anything that makes me feel better instantly and artificially is probably not good for me. Judging others, "justified" anger, envy, sadness all have a way of making me feel better somehow. They all act alot like my drugs and alcohol did, they somehow soothe for a time. But it's all a lie and I just have to avoid them as best I can.

This upcoming weekend is our annual winter AA men's retreat. I am definitely looking forward to a weekend of reflection and spiritual reconstruction. The last couple months of 2009 wreaked some havoc on my emotions. I changed careers entirely at the end of the summer so there was that little tidbit. And I spent much of the year stressed beyond "normal and acceptable" levels over my previous banking/mortgage job. So, I am due to perform a significant housecleaning.

Thankfully, the housecleaning process has begun already, in an effort to repair my damaged marriage. So, it's not like I expect to just come out of this weekend all fixed, shiny and new. But I can expect to come out in a different place spiritually speaking, if I do some good old fashioned step/sponsor work this weekend. That's the plan. The extra bonus for me is that we hold this retreat at a Catholic Spiritual retreat house so I will be immersed in the "trappings" of my faith, in a completely Catholic environment. The retreat itself is an AA-based retreat but it's in a Catholic run retreat house. That's very nice for me.


I have a long list of people to pray for these days: our marriage; my son; my friend Jaimie who lost her fiance to cancer a couple,;my friend Robyn and her hubby who just lost his job; my "sorta daughter" Kayla as we get to know each other as best we can via text msgs; our niece Natalie as she works on another rehab; my wife's family and my family; the newly sober alkies and addicts; my friend Chris who's got health issues and just lost her dad; my friend Bill and his family whom we just lost to a brain tumor... Heavenly Father, I just pray that You're with these people and that You comfort them and make them well. Bring them to a place of peace in their lives, and let me do what I can today to help You in that effort.

1 comment:

Syd said...

Judging is something that seems to be intricately tied to ego. It is a vexing thing that requires a lot of monitoring of self. Great topic for a meeting for sure.