Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Well, I guess yesterday's theme was letting go, lol. Kayla and I "hashed a few things out" via text, she's pissed off at me and she's gone for now. I guess we'll see if there's a relationship there or not. I don't have high expectations, I mean geeze, our relationship consists of a couple visits over the holidays and a bunch of texting. But, I can rest at night knowing I did what was right. The thing is, I can't really even talk to my wife about this right now, she's just not really into the whole Kayla situation. ugh...

And on a more important note of letting go... I began a men's closed AA meeting 5 and a half yrs ago in the town where I live. I had gotten sober in men's meetings in Toledo and I had been longing for that dynamic for some time, as there were no men's meetings in the area. This past fall, I picked up an extra CCD section and have been unable to get to the meeting for a couple months. (I've since started hitting a new noon meeting started by one of the newer men's group members.) Well, it turns out that there's been another fellow who joined the men's group and they've decided together that it would be better as a "joe and charlie" co-ed meeting and they've been wanting to have a group conscience meeting to discuss the change in format. Well, I got wind of this idea over the weekend and I wasn't really too impressed (pissed off and feeling hijacked would be about right, I think).

My wife gave me a message to call one of the fellows yesterday after the noon meeting. I made a couple calls, got a quick "poll" on how people were liking the idea of the change and it seems that everyone who has been going to the meeting thought it would be a good idea to change it. So, I called the guy up, left him a voice mail and told him I how I felt about it. I told him I was 110% opposed to changing formats but I realize I have not been able to get to the meeting and probably don't have a right to hold up any change. So, I told him I'd get the money box to him and that would be that, they can go on and do what they feel is best. I am pretty bummed out but if change is what people want, it's not about me... Let them change it up. AA is a voluntary program and I am not required to belong to the group and I won't be going back.

I know it sounds pretty pissy of me to "take my toys and go play somewhere else" but right now that's what my intentions are. That meeting means alot to me (evidently not enough for me to actually attend it during the CCD year, lol) and I am really bummed that once again we will have no men's meetings in the area. It was all I could do to make an attempt to be halfway civil about it and not raise a big ass stink. Evidently, it's time for something new and I am sure it will be just fine. I just don't like it. My job now will be to avoid a resentment towards two guys I was not exactly fond of to begin with. That will be job #1.

Letting go sucks, but I know it is necessary for my peace and my growth, and probably more necessary for the things/people I am letting go, God bless em! This too shall pass.


Syd said...

I hope that there will be resolution about the meeting format. Sometimes I find that change is difficult. But after a while, I find there is a reason for it.

Enchanted Oak said...

I can understand your reluctance to talk to your wife about Kayla. It's inappropriate for you, a man who is actually not her father, to be advising Kayla about sexuality. I think your wife would be bummed to know you were. That's just my two cents worth.
You might want to talk to your sponsor about this.
And I hope you talk to your sponsor about the men's group issue. You can always start another one, can't you? That is the great thing about this program. We have so much freedom of choice!