Saturday, February 20, 2010

Good morning one and all! Its Saturday and I am still up at the crack of dawn, lol. I'm going to the Men's Prayer Group at church here in a bit, then its off to visit Kayla for a few hours. I am going to go pick her up and we're gonna go get something to eat and sit and actually talk face to face for awhile. We haven't had a chance to really talk much other than a couple short visits around the holidays and text messaging back and forth.

My wife is still bothered by this whole thing and I just don't know what to tell her. Kayla is a special kid to me, I raised her until she was two and a half and now I have a chance to be a (very minor) part of her life and get to know her a little bit and it's really bothering my wife. We've talked about it in our couple of counseling sessions and I have done everything I can think of to follow what my wife seems to want from me on this deal other than to just not talk to the kid and cut all ties. This is too important to me to do that. And besides, the only threat this poses to our marriage and my relationship with my family is in my wife's head. I have had to let many other long standing friendships die because of my wife's lack of comfort in social settings and her desire to avoid social situations and get togethers. So, if I want to relationships with people outside of my marriage (ie friends) I have to carve out my own time to do it and she gets upset about that, so I don't say much about any social friendships I have. I think the perfect solution that would make her feel better would be for me to be home every night (which other than a meeting here or there related to work or Ian's activities, I am home every nite) and not have anything going on outside the house. (This trip to see Kayla isn't the first "outside the home" event I've had to deal with this behaviour over, ie: retreats, trips to see my folks, you name it...)

I dunno what to do with all this. So, I am respectful of her feelings, I listen to her share about it and do everything I can not to upset her. I also then "put up with" her depressive and cranky behaviour over the whole thing. That's fun. But, I am not going to just cut myself off from someone I love when there's just no reason why we cannot have a relationship. But with all this emotional turmoil kicking up, its almost not worth messing with... its really runing the whole situation for me and that's what I am feeling resentful over. There's alot more to this than what I've posted but I needed to share a bit on this today before I start my day. Thanks for bearing with me...

5 comments:

Lou said...

I have no idea what your wife is thinking..but I would be concerned about future emotional and/or financial responsibilities with Kayla. It seems the relationship comes with a lot of baggage from the past. Just my opinion...

Scott said...

Lou-

Yea baggage indeed, lol. I am just trying to be Kayla's friend/mentor/listener person. I have no designs on being her dad, her source of revenue or a place to live, just a friend. That's really all I can or need to be to her. As for my wife, she's threatened by this, and a lot of other things and I cannot live in a bubble to protect her, she's got to figure out that these are not threats.

Thanks Lou :-)

Abby Rogers said...

I see from your profile that you are interested in Scotland! Have you checked out my blog yet?

http://picturesofgreatbritain.blogspot.com/

I post photographs of glorious vistas and interesting tidbits of Great Britain for the pleasure of Scotophiles everywhere! There’s also something special every Wednesday…. Have a look, maybe you’ll join the ever-growing list of followers!

The Turning Point said...

Sounds like the one tie you have with K is dad.

Praying for you

Jf

Syd said...

It sounds a bit like your wife is trying to control things. I don't know how strong her recovery is, but it sounds like Al-Anon might help. It seems a lot of fear is coming out about something.