Tuesday, September 28, 2010

young love... (Tuesday Truths)

I Finally managed to get my rear end to the local noon AA meeting. Aaahhhhhh :-) There were 5 of us at our little Big Book discussion meeting (small town America!).

One guy who's been around for a bout 3 yrs, is 2 yrs sober and still pretty sick announced that he had just moved in with his new girlfriend, and "life is all beautiful, the sun and breeze is incredible, love is amazing, life is beautiful, sobriety is beautiful, God is incredible, nothing bothers him anymore," blah blah blah. The new girlfriend is a gal who's been coming round for maybe 6-8 months, just collected her 1 month token (again). Need I say more, for those of you playing the home game?

The gal (a good friend of mine) next to me is preggers, and offf her depression meds and she about died when this fellow was going on and on. She doesn't think that this is a good plan, especially for the girl, and thinks the guy ought to know better. I'm inclined to agree with her concerns, but I don't go telling people how they need to live their lives. So, I shared with them how relationships in AA are frought with insanity and that I have seen LOTS of people go back out to drinking and drugging over a relationship.

Having said all that, my wife and I began dating when I was 3 yrs sober and when she was on her millionth re-start in recovery, she even went back out early on in our relationship. Suffice it to say, we've stuck together somehow. We've made it clear to one another that the success of our relationship is not a condition for our own sobriety. No matter what happens with us, niether plans to drink over it. That has carried us for 11 years. Also, we do fairly well at not working each other's programs. I fail at that alot more often than she does. That has become part of our counseling process, me being more accepting of her.

I dunno, I pray for these two people. I don't think what they are doing is a good idea necessarily. I made it clear that I believe they both need to keep the focus on their own individual programs and that sobriety will have to remain the primary focus if they are to stay sober. I told them repeatedly that they've gone and really complicated their lives BIG TIME and that they will have to be extra aware and work extra hard because they are each living with a self-centered (and quite possibly co-dependant) sick person lol. Nice, huh? I have this thing about being "non-judgementally, but brutal" honest. I just don't want to see them suffer the same fate I've seen other folks suffer in AA.

I'm grateful that God saw fit to help my wife and I get to this point together in life. I'm grateful that God saw fit to bring Ian into our lives when all we were trying to decide on was getting a dog or not. I am grateful that we've both stayed sober and that she will celebrate 11 yrs sober on Friday, Ian will be 9 on Saturday. My wife's story is an amazing one, after all those years of never being able to hold it together. Now she's 11 yrs sober, a great mom and wife, WOW! She was one we might have assumed to be "constitutionally incapable."


drybottomgirl said...

Congratulations to you and your wife! Inspiring to say the least. When I first entered recovery my husband was angry, angry because he had asked me to go for so long, and angry because he couldn't save me. I was such a mess that first month and his silence almost did me in until my sponsor said, "You may want his love and support in your recovery, but you don't need it to recover. This is your journey" and when I finally understood that, he started to come around. He encourages my program from the sidelines, and celebrates my victories but to this day it is mine....:)

Syd said...

I am really happy for you. And I agree that relationships can cause enormous problems in recovery. For us Al-Anons they are problematic because of our co-dependency issues.

Mary Christine said...

I know several couples who have been sober over 30 years and together almost as long - who got together when they "shouldn't" have.

Who knows?

I certainly don't.